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Wednesday, August 12, 2015

I have just read my post below, and I reckon that wow I am such a demanding bitch.

I am sorry, baby, if you read this.

I am sorry because I shouldnt have expected you to be someone you are not. I love you inspite of your flaws. I love you this much (bembemin perut) 😜

I won't ask you to be something you are not, even if sometimes I find myself changing into something I am not because you want me to. Love is like dancing, it takes two to tango.


Come home soon.

I kinda miss you.

Monday, August 10, 2015

They say relationship is where two people can really say about what they want.

I simply want you to write something about me on your social media. I know it is freaking cheesy but it feels nice knowing once in a while your partner love you and want to let his friends know about it.

Is that so hard

Saturday, August 8, 2015

I told you I was miserable

and then you did not talk to me for four hours.

I assumed you fell asleep because you said you'd pull yourself under the blanket, but you answered that you had been there the whole time.

It has been a while since I got that sad and cried that loud.
The stage of it reached the point where I wanted to call my mom and just cried and got mad and frustated the whole time.
But I did not.

Because I am still crying.

Birthdays have never been this worse.
I'd prefer the accident a hundred time. At least, everyone was there for me.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling on your threads
And breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm, then brace it
If it's a broken heart, then face it


Thursday, August 6, 2015

An anon asked me what I am currently feeling and cannot help but type this:

'Pretty sad because I am back to my old habit, which is I can only sleep max. 3 hours a day. I have this urge feeling to leave anything behind and just walkaway. The last time I went through this phase is because I was so depressed, and right now, frankly I am so afraid I'd go down that tunnel again. Maybe it's time for the pills again...'

I deliberately deleted that and I just need somewhere to post this. When I am typing this, I have taken two pills (yea, thank God I am keeping those) and I am on the verge of crying because I just cannot believe I have to go through this again.

Do you ever feel this kind of thing where you just want to give up because there is no point in trying? It's like you are cursed and damned for eternity. I am just really, really mad at life because if there is a God, why would You do this to me?

I am broke as fuck, but I only got several pills left. It keeps me steady only for two more nights. I just can't do this.. I just cannot walk through this path anymore.

I am sorry but I am nearly done with this shit

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Tomorrow, you will be gone for about 2 weeks. I have never been this nervous.

Right now, I am on the bed typing this while you are busy with your xbox.
If not, with your manga.
Or your laptop.

I really want to ask you to come to bed so that I can hug you, but you yourself said, with straight cold face, I have to be able to do things on my own. That is just plain cold, for me. However, I wont bother you because it is predictable. You will say stuff like how over sensitive I could be and bla bla bla and then I just have to agree with whatever you say and then apologize.

For your information, when you thought I was having a flu Saturday moning when you woke up, I did not. I was crying. I was that nervous. And also sad, because you seem like you dont care at all you would not be here on my birthday. You dont seem like you tried your best to even delay or do something about it.

Because I find it is not helpful at all to talk about this to you. You'd blame me and my oversensitivity. You'd blame me.

Well. I'd just go to sleep and pray tomorrow I'd be just fine then.