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Thursday, May 14, 2015

I don't know how to be okay when I am not

It irks me when you touch me; the images of you touching her thigh appear.

It irks me when you put your head on me; the images of you leaning on her appear.

I don't know how to deal with this because it never once cross my mind that I have to deal with this kind of problem. Never once I experienced it in the past also. It feels like I have to swallow a large ball of fur I cannot just throw it up.

You know the saddest part is?

I feel like I am not worthy. She's pretty. No wonder why you got turned on, and chose to look at her closely when I asked you to sit with me. She's thin. She has long legs. She is probably everything you have ever dreamed of.

But why you have to do it with me on your side?

If I am no longer appealing for you, just set me free first then off you go leaning into somebody new.

It hurts me so, and I wonder if you even care.