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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

So you know I got into accident. Old news.

Question is, how is my life nowadays?

If only I could answer.

My parents went to Jakarta the day I got into accident. My boyfriend also went to Jakarta. They cried. My bestfriends cried on their moms worrying sick because of me. My friends came to see me whether I was unconscious or when I got better. Everyone is concerned. Everyone asks, everyone suggests, everyone thinks whats best for me. Because I am still on recovery.

No one ever seem to remember what do I feel about my own self. And my own life.

Well, I talk to my boyfriend a lot. But he's not here where I need him most. My bestfriends accompany me, but I rarely meet them so I enjoy our session more than talking about my feeling. My bestfriend who are in Jakarta are far away I dont feel like talking about my feelings thru line or imess.

The thing is, it sucks. I feel like crap because I am sick and my mom keeps reminding me that I got into accident and I have to take care of my brain and it is a small chance I will be back in Jkt anytime soon. Honey, I live in Jakarta. I have my own life. My own job. My own time. Do you know I hate living with my mom because I always got into a fight with her? Even when I was at Jakarta, we got into fights we did not even talk for 3 months. I never actually have lived with my dad.

Oh boy, I am used to live alone.

Gue bener2 stress and depressed I cannot function like I used to in my old life. Gue ampe bilang ke bokap gue, gue gabisa di Jogja terus. Untung bokap ngerti. Cuma gabisa tetepan diusahain cepet.

Men, gue bener bener ngerasa useless bgt hari-hari ini. Ya gue gamau boong jg gue masih ngomongnya belepotan dan movement gue masih awkward kaya orang giting, but I am getting better. I know I am. Gue jg bukan orang yg ga realistis kok kalo gue sakit, but I am improving. Gue tau batasan diri gue sendiri.

But my mom is too concerned and the doctors are overrating. Dokter Jakarta aja ga lebay. Gue beneran pengen berobat sendiri ke Medistra deh. Berobat di Dokter Sanjaya.

Dear God, this has been one of the hardest moments in my life. And I know I sound ridiculous because I have my lovable boyfriend and bestfriends but,

I am feeling lonely right now.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Hi?

I cried like a baby when I saw the blog. Anggi and Ukky were shocked because I was crying all of a sudden. Shit, the things you do...

I never expected an accident. Who is? I once  said to Rey 'I wish I never got an accident'. Lets be fair. I got into an accident. It sucks. And you were the one who helped me during my accident.

I never properly thank you for saving me and taking care of me. I was always the one who such a obnoxious, same as your boyfriend, but you mean a lot to me. I am serious when I said I wanted to move in with you and that was a big move to me because I needed my own santuary. But with you I feel at ease because I found a very best friend.
I am sorry for things I did when I got into accident, saliva or something, I am sorry because I am such a bitch and I cannot stop using my poor bestfriend to take care of me.

Fuck. I need to get my shit together and fix my words. I am sorry I am such a mess.

I really cannot afford to lose you. Whos gonna accompany me at lunch or smoking? Whos gonna stay with me at night in the office? Putri, I really hope you'd stay with me at our crappy place together. I found a very bestfriend and I dont care if I'm selfish. You are not allowed to go to Bogor and we'll figure something out.

I know I am rambling and my words arent clear I found a problem in my brain that makes me lose senses of words but I hope that you see what you mean to me.

X