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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

For those of you who think college is not important

This post may sound cynical or something, but just... It is your personal choice to think so, and it goes the same way with this post.

College is not just as simple as able to differentiate between they we I you and he she it. College is not just as simple as able to count the income of a company. It is not as simple as getting into a college, do all the task and graduate. No.

I must say that my parents were the ones who always encourage (in a hard, hard way) to always get into the best school in town. Thank God I always made it this far. They still do, though. They keep asking when can I take my master, and what are the chances of international scholarship these days. I just finished my 3,5 years of undergraduate program last February and have just started a career in my dream job so all I want right now is just to save money as much as I can so that if someday I am finally ready to take my master, my financial condition will be supporting my decision.

You know, it is true that not all education comes from college. They say, experience is the best teacher. I say, college is the best place for you to have both the formal education and the greatest experience. In college, the best education you could have is not only what your lecturers taught you. It is how you adapt from your years of school where all schedule is fix and the timeline is also decided from the government. It is how you make friends with the ones that will have different schedule, who come from different background, and have different point of view, who you will face constantly for years. It is how you grow from a teenager to an adult. It is how you are torn between asking money from your parents while you already have the consciousness not to, and try to work somewhere in some place you are so not familiar with. You will start to think about your future. You will start to really be responsible. College is not a school where if you act bad, your parents will come to get you and then you will be grounded. In college, they can drop you out.

For me, those experiences I got from college is equally important.

I know, people say that a degree is not a guarantee. Come to think of it, if having a degree does not even guarantee your future, what are the chances for people who have nothing? Do you really want you children to know that their parents dont go to college because they 'just dont feel like it'? Congratulations then, for making this world a better place.

Talking about money, I know college is rather expensive, but that does not mean you cannot afford it on your own. I got into UI choosing to pay for others' scholarship so I dont have a chance to get one. Then, shit happened, and I had to pay my tuition by my self (IDR 6500000). I can do it, tho. The one time when I thought I did not have to pay it by myself anymore, shit happened again, and I was on the edge of bailing college but then I had gone this far. There would be a way. There are always a way. In just 12 hours, my friends collected all those money for me, and my friends were the one who pay it. I suddenly got a text saying 'done. You can still study this semester, Nay'

I burst into tears.

That is when I believe, there is always a way for those who really want something.

Personally, I think there is always something different from the people in my surrounding who do not go to college. I am not judging nor saying they are a little off, I am just saying that there is just something different. I dont know if the problem lies within my surrounding or it is just me overreacting or I am so used to be among my college mates or there actually is something different. I dont know why, there are some differences on the way they act and think, it is like seeing a premature baby because they skip one step on their maturity stairs? Haha just kidding.

Really. I am kidding. Please laugh, dont take this the wrong way.

For those of you who think college is not important, I really feel sorry for you, your parents, and your future children. I know it is your call about what to do with your life, but still tho. I wish, I really wish your kids would not follow your steps when they grow up. Honestly, you miss out the most crucial part of your years of growing up :)


Sunday, April 13, 2014

TMI Tag!

I just woke up from a day fullllll of naps from a week lack of sleep (yea revenge is a bitch, baby!) and I just found out the TMI tag in Youtube and I am bored so here it is:


1: What are you wearing?  
 my oldie but goody pajamas 

2: Ever been in love?
I guess I am in love right now, for the last 20 months.

3: Ever had a terrible breakup?
Yes I did. I did have one terrible breakup last..... 2011.

4: How tall are you?

5: How much do you weigh?
I dont speak english 

6: Any tattoos?
No(t yet?)

7: Any piercings?
Yep, one on my upper right ear.

8: OTP?
Alexa Chung and Alex Turner :(

9: Favorite show?
A lot. I mean like, a lot. Friends, HIMYM, thats 70 show, PLL, modern family, GOT, suits, TBBT, Greys Anatomy, Da Vinci's Demons, CSI, well... and others. 

10: Favorite bands?
Also a lot!! Current favorite: The Neighborhood. 

11: Something you miss? 
My Mom and brother

12: Favorite song?
I should rewrite. Current favorite*: The Neighborhood - Sweather Weather

13: How old are you?
21! Goin 22 next Aug

14: Zodiac sign?
Am a lioness baby dont you see~

15: Quality you look for in a partner?
The first requirement is: taller than me.

16: Favorite Quote?
Love yourself so no one has to.

17: Favorite actor?
I dont really have one. If I have to choose... Hh I just cant.

18: Favorite color?
Silver and Gold

19: Loud music or soft?
I can go on with both of them

20: Where do you go when you’re sad?
Mall. Entertaining myself a whole day and then go straight home (I am not lying)

21: How long does it take you to shower?
15mins... 1hour on bath tub

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

23: Ever been in a physical fight?
Well....... not really but yea I guess

24: Turn on?
Nice back

25: Turn off?

26: The reason I joined Blog?
I luv to write. 

27: Fears?

28: Last thing that made you cry?
Youtube ads (I know I'm pathetic)

29: Last time you said you loved someone?

30: Meaning behind your blog Name?
Acronym of my name

31: Last book you read?

32: The book you’re currently reading?
Psychology book

33: Last show you watched?
Da Vinci's Code

34: Last person you talked to?
My bestfriend

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?

36: Favorite food?

37: Place you want to visit?
Disneyland. Or beach. I can use a beach right now.

38: Last place you were?

39: Do you have a crush?

40: Last time you kissed someone?

41: Last time you were insulted?
Idk, forget

42: Favorite flavor of sweet?
Ummmm mint kind of sweet!

43: What instruments do you play?
Used to play guitar and keyboard, but

44: Favorite piece of jewelery?

45: Last sport you played?
Dating kind of sport :p :p

46: Last song you sang?
All I am, is a man, I want the world in my hand~ I hate the beach, but I stand in California with my toes in the sand~

47: Favorite chat up line?
Masih idup ae

48: Have you ever used it?
Yea actually hahaha

49: Last time you hung out with anyone?
Uhm, yesterday with mom and boyfie

50: Who should answer these questions next?

Him, I wish hahaha


Saturday, April 5, 2014

Straightjacket feeling [1]

I just....

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal 
And you're the problem and you can't feel

Right now I swear I am too worn out and tired and drained, mentally, I cannot even cry. Do you know the feeling when all you want to do is cry but you just cant because youre probably run outta tears so all you feel is this straightjacket feeling as if something is pressing your chest and stuck on your throat, makes it so damn hard just to breathe?

Try this on, straightjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone

If you do, congratulations, you have just understood what state I am on right now.

Take back now, my life you're stealing

And then, I'll continue this post after I really am fine without you


Friday, April 4, 2014

Within me

You know, when all of this is over, I really have nothing to blame but myself.

Me, my insensitivity towards other and my hyper sensitivity towards my own self.

Previous relationship, I have distance to blame. I went off thinking that I was losing him because of the distance. I did not know if I made that up and kept thinking like that until I actually believed it, or simply I was right. I'd imagine how everything must be different if we were close. We can set up a meeting everytime we fight to fix everything, not fuckin pretend to be okay just to get a goodnight text, and sleeping away all the feelings.  I'd like to blame the distance so I did not have to face the truth that I was the one who screw up. But now? Living a real relationship (I'm not stating that LDR is fake) where we meet almost everyday.....

What should I blame?

Our different religions? As if I was blaming God. Our different background? As if I was blaming his surroundings. Our different way of dating? As if I was blaming our exes.

Now, I think I have to face the cold truth that the problem lies somewhere within me.

I dont know, maybe I am not pretty enough. I am not smart enough. I am not sexy enough. Or perhaps I dont know how to love. I dont know how to be in a relationship. I dont know how to live an equal relationship. Maybe its true, maybe its not, maybe you are why, or maybe we both are just destined to not be together.

Those questions keep popping out in my head these kind of days. I know it sounds masochist because thinking about it sickens me from time to time but I just cant help it. What happens? Should I have seen the sign? Where does it all go wrong? How we end up this way?

The songs that I gave to you for our anniversary, all 31 of them, now scar me even more I keep replaying them all over again in the playlist named by your name. It took me months to love back my songs from my ex, do I have to get thr this all over again? Why?