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Monday, March 31, 2014

Update: Life after graduation (and F you AirAsia)

Update update! Been a while since I last wrote an update post! (yea like anyone cares) but now, let me tell you about my life after graduation.

What is the first thing that graduated student concerns with? Of course a job. Well, thank God I have several offers to work at since before my graduation, so on January I have already decided where I want to work. I was torn at first, working to earn a big salary or to have a job that I actually enjoy because for the fresh graduates, it is hard to find a job that matches both your desire and salary's expectation.

Right now, I am working at a digital marketing agency and I love it darn much! I know the work is piling at agency and the working hours are versatile but I really enjoy my work, so I do not really have a problem working at an agency. Funny thing is, my bestfriend also works at agency without two of us knew which job each other aimed for :"")))

Well, I also move from Tebet to Kebagusan because it is better for me to pay more for the room rather than go the distance everyday to work. I dont know, I think I am just too lazy :p Kebagusan has a really nice environment but it takes me a fortune if I want to go to my fav places (IDR 70k to Sency, IDR 75 to Kuningan, I am crying blood). The closest place to hang out is Citos and Kemang. I hate Citos because they effin closed their TimeZone, and I dont really favor Kemang.

It feels good, doing things you love 5 days a week, surrounded with lovely people, and getting paid for it. That is how it feels to be working the right job. I have two office working experience before this, so I know the difference. Previously, I work because I need money. I dont really have much choices with the limited time I have as a college student (weekends and monday only) so it feels different, working somewhere you choose. Alhamdulillah :)

Fyi, I used to not have any break during college (mon-fri college, weekend work) and now I only work at Mon-Fri so oh my God thank you for these two days :'''') so this is weekend. Finally I sense freedom :')

My iPhone was missing (yep I know this isnt the best opening sentence but whateva, my iPhone was fucking missing) it fell on the plane (AirAsia) along with my cigarette and my lip stain on the flight back from Malaysia but AirAsia said they didnt find it. They called me at first saying that they have found it but later they confirmed that it was a black box that was found, not an iPhone. How stupid is that. I tried calling them and tweeted them but no fucking response so f you AirAsia. Twitter is public enough and everyone can see that you did not answer my tweets (oh yeah I unprivated my Twitter just to tweet you) so thank you for having a super perfect public relation. God bless you.

So yeah, that is a bit about my life after graduation. I plan to take my master anytime soon but I am still torn. But wait. I want to have fun first ;)

X

Thursday, March 27, 2014

you promised destiny, but somehow you cannot stand the distance

This is how it feels knowing the expired date is close behind. I cannot ask you to promise that things will be just fine, because I know it wont. Things never work out for me, and I just found out that you are not an exception.

I wish I had an exception.

I always screw up, like, in the best way possible. Goodbye is all I have ever known. When I met you, I wish that you were an exception, because I felt like I deserve an exception, and it now kills me slowly knowing you are not.

I know we really do not have a fucking clue about the future, and we shall not act like we have one, but that does not mean we cannot predict it. We will end up going our own ways, because that is how it works with me. I never once have a really happy ending, and I now give up wishing for one. Because when I finally got my heart to love again, to trust again, to hope again, it ends in tears.

Some of me wants to end it right now and wear the dignity of being the one who leaves, but the other part of me is afraid to take the risk of being the one who is broken. Because I always am.

I really want to stop loving. I will, someday. Just not today. I promise myself to stop loving someone because nothing good ever comes out of it.

X

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

...just because I'm fine doesnt mean I'm okay.

So, you bought three ice cream for me last night, and we made up. I am cheap, I know.

But still, just because I'm fine doesnt mean I'm okay.

Sometimes, you are still mad, very mad, at someone, but you are just too tired to show that you are mad. Being mad is tiring and exhausting. It consumes you slowly to just keep being mad. I decided to not care anymore if I am mad, you never agree to break up anyway no matter how wrong I could be. So I dont really see the point of keep being mad.

The question is......

Is this healthy? Is this right? Is this really what happen between two people who fall in love? Am I doing the right thing? Is this what we supposed to be after years of dating?

X

Friday, March 14, 2014

Our love was made for movie screens

'Cause you brought out the best of me
A part of me I'd never seen


***

I still remember the first time I saw you. That night. I was wearing my torn-up shirt and short pants. You were wearing your favourite shirt, which now is in my closet. We hadnt stopped talking since that night until our first fight after we were taken, which I forgot when. 

I still remember our first kiss.... or I dont. I was drunk, and you did not know how to kiss me before because I seemed so distant and cold (which I am). Then we kissed. In my favourite place. With my favourite song. Wore my favourite black dress. Our first kiss tasted like Vodka, and Baileys, and Ice Blast, and GG. I love the taste of your lips after you smoke, it tastes sweet, your cig's filter. Have I told you? I guess I have. 

Our love was interesting. Different religions, different backgrounds, different way of living, different type of lovers. My mom dislikes you because youre not a moslem, and your father loves me very much he asked me to be at your home on Christmas. We both did not really bother with religions, because what we believe is God, and religions are created by human. It would be so cool if we could marry, yes?

I still remember our typical fights. You always scared me off...... I then chose to pretend everything was okay when we met, and I would have waited until you got home. I would tell you then. You would argue why everything seemed okay before. I would answer 'because you scare me' and try to explain that I really really dont have the guts to argue with you directly.

That was when everything went unhealthy.

The more you get mad, the more you get emotional with all the yellings and screamings. The more I get mad, the more I turn cold and distant and quiet. Tell me, how to encounter this? How?

How to be survive a relationship between ice and fire?
Can we come out alive? Or should we need to stop?

***

You took my soul, wiped it clean
Our love was made for movie screen


X

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need someone to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin



***


Like, really. I miss the time when everything was simple. Right now, things are getting more and more tangled. Does getting old mean life's getting more complicated than ever?

The deeper I get into relationship with someone, the more I blend my life into his. He becomes more and more subtle in my routine, and I become so used to his presence I kind of rely on him to just, function. I have never been in a relationship for this long, and it kind of scares me.

And then, things just start to fall out.

I wish I had the time for all the drama. I dont. I have to wake up early and my works are piling up, I cannot afford to stay up all night feeling like shit the whole storm and finally make up when dawn comes. I cannot. It is tiring. I just... dont think it is healthy. You are getting tired of being the one who tries to make up all along.

And then, we start to stop trying.

Know what good usually comes out from our situation? None. I dont know actually, never been this long, but in my mind, I am already bracing myself for the goodbye. It is all I have ever fucking known.

***

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?



X