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Sunday, January 26, 2014

Sometimes, I have my breakdown moment when I just hate everything in my life and my head is filled with regrets of things I chose not to have/be/do. My bestfriends know this. I will just shut myself out for a while, and then call them when I am ready, and everything back to normal. I used to wonder why does I always have this stupid insecurity break down time? Is it because of PMS? Maybe, but now I think I know why.

Sometimes, we are just going too far we have to be reminded of what we already have. Every breakdown moments I have make me thankful of what I really have in my life. Like this time. I was on the edge of breaking down. Everyone feels distant, and I just want to punch some people in the face. I think about the fact that I dont really have time to catch up with some of my friends make me started to lose them one by one. One friend even accused me of forgetting friends after I was taken. Others said that I was picky. Another said I was anti-social.

No, it was not like that.

My days were always occupied. I had college from Monday to Friday, and I have work at Monday, Saturday, and Sunday. I did not always check my phone besides text messages. I was never a super girl who was always occupied but still can stay up till late. No. When I got home after college and work, I was already worn out. I sometimes did not took a bath and I just went straight to bed. In the morning, I usually did my task from college (yes thank God I am a quick task doer) and then went straight to my class. When would you expect me to socialize?

Picky? Anti-social? No. I am just not the type of everybody's friend, you know what I mean? I am more comfortable in just a small circle of people who I can really trust. Yes. I have a trust issue. Once I trust someone, I will keep them in my life till they break my trust. Yep, I am a keeper. The downside is, I dont really care about people whom I dont trust, and I just cant rebuild my trust to people who break it. Its not as if I never try, God knows I try, but I just cant. Everytime I have a breakdown, my bestfriends will always always reassure me that everything is okay, it is all just in my head.

See, now I just decided not to care anymore if I dont please everybody. I dont expect them to please me anyway. I have bestfriends who are willing to go miles for me, who are always there to listen, who are always there to pick me up, who accept me for who I am. They are the ones that are worth to please.


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