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Friday, November 29, 2013

I annoyed you, and curled into bed. You chased me, hugged me and then tickled me. I ran out of breath and gave up. You kissed my ear and then my cheek and then when it was time for the lips, you paused a moment. You whispered 'I love you', and then finally kissed my lips. I was too stunned by how intense that felt I did not really kiss you back. I held back, and said those words back to you.

There are times when I feel like giving up on you, on us. Almost 16 months we have been messing with each other's state of mind, but how amazing is it for you to never, even once, decided to let go of me. No matter how bitchy I could be, how hurtful my words could be, how selfish I could be, and how unfair was it for you, you never let me go.

I know this is so cheesy, but all I can hear playing over and over again in my head is this song:

When you apologize, no matter who was wrong
 When you get on your knees if that would bring her home

Around 2 AM when I was going back to sleep after I opened my eyes because of I-cant-remember, I felt you hug me and kissed my forehead. I called your name to see if you were awake, but you did not. You hugged me in your sleep. How can I not love you?


Friday, November 22, 2013

hi @Urukyuu

My dearest girl, Ukky.

(is it kinda cheating how we use 'girl'? we're 21!)

You are the first bestfriend I had in junior high, even before I got close with Anin. Things start to change. You have always been that girl who is so hard to keep in touch with. That was why we call you alien, on the second place (well the first one was... you were a freak. so did I.  that was why we were friends) and now I am so happy seeing you finally befriend with internet :')

As I said to you previously, I read your blog from the newest to the oldest. You may have changed, in some ways, but I dont know why.. It feels like, to me, you did not change at all. You are just letting yourself free from all the pressures. I think, you have always been like this since the very start. A quirky introvert girl who puts up walls as a defense mechanism. The walls, now, are still exist (imo). You are just widening your safe zone; you are making paths to more views out there. Those walls are the ones that make you strong, but also make people hard to look into you.

I'd say, you know how to pick your battles.

I love the fact that you write. Reading your writings has always made me feel closer to you, and I'm glad that your writings look exactly like what I have pictured on my mind. It also makes me miss you even more. I cant believe I dont remember the last time we met. When was it? Have I grown old or has it been that long?

Anyway, I love you.


Thursday, November 21, 2013

for the first time in my life, I dont know

Today was supposedly a good one. Got no classes and went shopping and watched movies with my bestfriend. When I was on the way home, I read one email that, for me, was an embarrassment. It has been a while since I wanted to resign from my current workplace, but I just pressed it down inside. This time, I really wanted to resign. The one-month notice I already typed and drafted on my email. All I need to do now is just to click send button.

But, the problem is..

I just dont know. I dont know if resigning is the right decision. I dont know what I will do next if I decided to resign. I dont know how to act in front of my boss when we meet (because we will always do). I just dont know. And this is frustating.

I have always been that girl who has plans for everything, especially if its related to my future. Now, I dont have the idea of what I should do next. I guess what I have been doing now is turning into my comfort zone for too long I forget how it feels to take risks.

I just dont know what I have to do.