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Thursday, April 25, 2013

Feelings

If you grow apart with someone you used to love, you will never really get over them somehow.

There will be a tiny place in your mind that tickles the feelings that you have been trying to bury deep down under. Sometimes, it only needs a flash of some particular things to remind you. When you listen to a favourite song or pass a certain place. Other times, it takes a great trigger to actually make you realize you still own those feelings. Like when you are filled with hatred because of the endless fights, you will realize you never actually hate them anyway.

The question is: what to do with the feelings?

Feelings are never a good friend of mine. I hate things that I cant control, and I never am able to control feelings. The far I got was controlling how I play hide-and-seek with those feelings. Well, to me, just because you feel it doesnt mean you have to show it, no? If you see me throw sarcasm at someone, doesnt mean I hate them. If you see me laugh with someone, doesnt mean I love them. Why bother with what I feel towards something if that only makes life harder to live?

The one who seems heartless usually has the darkest secrets deep down under.

Some say I am cold-hearted. Though I can be so friendly and never have any issue with socializing, I am a cold-hearted person. My mom said so. My bestfriends said so. My ex said so. Even my boyfriend also said so. I dont quite understand why they say I am cold-hearted.


cold-heart·ed (kldhärtd)

adj.
Devoid of sympathy or feeling.

Well, I am not devoid of sympathy or feeling. I feel feelings, but somehow I choose to ignore them. Or perhaps, not showing them. So, yeah, I kinda am, no? Does that make me a better person? I dont know. All I know is I grow up stronger everyday.

They say, if I dont tell what I actually feel, some will never understand why I do things that I did. I dont find the necessity to explain I do this because of this and I dont do that because of this. I know, big chance is everyone misreads me. Misreading can lead to misjudging, and misjudging can lead to screwing up my own name. Sometimes I just cant take it anymore and all I want to do is yell HEY LISTEN TO ME IT WAS ALL blahblahblah but well, I almost do. Only almost do.

Because later I understand, so what if people misread me? This is my life, and it is my problem. I dont have to explain how I solve my problems or how I react towards it. It is none of their concerns, and trust me, people actually dont really care about others. People are just eager to know, to judge, and then they forget. If people misread you, thats just mean they dont know you well enough to actually read you. And the highlight is, you can know which ones know you that well.

And some people just dont care about others' feelings.



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