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Sunday, March 31, 2013

So I was pissed at you. I distanced myself from you and you noticed. You were being my company because I was on my way from UI and was so hungry after theater exercise and I wanted to eat McD so much I asked for your companion and there, you directly went to McD Tebet. But, I was pissed at you. It was unimportant, tho. I was just tired and sleepy and I blamed it on you. It was almost midnight, and we were heading to my place.

I was still pissed. I ignored your offer to carry my bag while we stopped because I had to buy drinks, and you needed to grab my hand because I did not want to hug you after it.

When we got into my place, I was still pissed. You kept asking why and stop being like that to me and what have I done but I was, yeah, tired enough I did not even bother to explain. You were standing under the street light under my room's window, and when I walked directly to enter the house, you yelled so you will just leave? so that is all? I said I was tired and you said I was tired too. I worked all day and I rushed to finish my last job just for you and you are pissed in all of a sudden and that is it?

Go home, Bim, I said, we both are too tired.

I am tired as hell but I will not leave this place until you stop being pissed at me. I love you so much I cannot stand the fight and the silence between us. It sickens me; it really sickens me whenever you feel so faraway from me.

And I looked into your eyes. I stood behind you, and I hugged you.
I was ready to apologize to you when suddenly you said for whatever I do wrong, I am sorry. Love you.

I hugged you even tighter.


Monday, March 25, 2013

Dont Cry. Its alright.

Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's alright
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin 
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

Life is a journey 
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you


Sunday, March 24, 2013

I lost a very good friend I cant replace

I feel like I just lost a very good friend I cant replace.

Well last night I read a friend's update that said 'My Chemical Romance is no more :"(' and I was shocked. So lately I have been inactive in Path and Twitter so I am a bit late but this news was tearing me down into pieces. I googled it, and found this http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/23/my-chemical-romance-split-band_n_2939440.html?utm_hp_ref=entertainment. I sat down and did not know what to do.

After 12 awesome years, they announced their break-up on March 22.

You know, finding a perfect band for your life is a journey. My Chemical Romance was always my favourite soundtrack. Their songs are probably one of the very few artists that I have put on my iPhone completely. I was thrilled when I hear they were launching their unpublished songs before Danger Days and I had always been waiting for their Conventional Weapon tour ever since but well... :"(

I literally cried when I saw this:

"Being in this band for the past 12 years has been a true blessing. We've gotten to go places we never knew we would. We've been able to see and experience things we never imagined possible. We've shared the stage with people we admire, people we look up to, and best of all, our friends. And now, like all great things, it has come time for it to end. Thanks for all of your support, and for being part of the adventure.
My Chemical Romance"

This may sound hyperbolic but who the hell cares :"(


Monday, March 18, 2013

Who died?

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by
You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died
And made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best
But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Ride off into your delusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction
But you won't ever see
You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening

All my life I've tried to make everybody happy 
While I just hurt and hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide

Let me hold your crown, babe :*


Tuesday, March 12, 2013


Lately I have been infiltrating my friends with a lot of 'I want to dye my hair' 'I want to have a bike' 'I want to join a dance class' 'I want to move into a new place'. At first, perhaps it all seems like I am such a labile person who wants to try everything. I respond to it like 'I just wanna dye my fucking hair' but I know they get to a point where I should reconsider. Actually, all I want to do is change.

Why change?

I know I have a great and busy life. I cant recall the last time I literally do nothing. I had a breakdown and it kinda changed my whole life upside down. I cant tell if its only a total goodness coming out from it, but I call it evolving. Still.

I am busy, but it all goes on the same daily routine. Going to college at Monday to Friday, working on Saturday and Sunday. Usual dating at Saturday night, and some unplanned datings on the other days. The bad side of office working is everything is just the same. Back then when I was a freelance usher, I worked at different events in different places everyday so boredom wasnt a problem.

I know, I should be grateful.

Its just..... I get bored easily. Perhaps Bimo knows this, thats why he sometimes surprises me about the places our dating will take. A sudden going to Puncak, a search for BnR Peanut Butter to Bintaro, or just a walk through my childhood places. I also can deal with sneaking around to the mall with Grita whenever college bores me. Sadly, I need a bigger change.

So here I am, typing from my new cribs. Going to college and work by different routes. Have a different place to eat, and different daily schedules. It pleases me, all of this changes. I finally have something I can adapt to. I have to keep changing until my settling down amazes me enough to finally, yeah, settle down.

God knows how many times I have looked on that black scissor next to me thinking about cutting my own bangs. NO, nara. It wont be a good idea.

Oh, what the hell.


Sunday, March 3, 2013

Abang! Ihik

"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian bukanlah tokoh romantis yang dapat melukis seperti Jack Dawson dalam Titanic, maka itu kami tidak pernah minta kalian melukis wajah kami dengan indah, paling tidak saat kami minta kalian menggambar wajah kami, gambarlah, meskipun hasil akhirnya akan seperti Jayko adik perempuan Giant dalam film Doraemon, tapi kami tahu, kalian berusaha.

/aku ga pernah pengen kamu gambarrrr/

"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian bukan peramal seperti Dedi Corbuzier yang dapat menebak isi pikiran kami atau apa yang kami inginkan saat kami hanya terdiam dan memasang wajah bosan, tapi saat itu kami hanya ingin tau, sesabar apakah kalian menghadapi kami jika kami sedang sangat menyebalkan seperti itu, kami tidak minta kalian mampu menebak keinginan kami, setidaknya bersabarlah pada kami dengan terus bertanya `jadi sekarang maunya gimana?`

/you always do this, honey. saat aku bete, kamu gapernah kepancing buat ikut bete. kamu cuma megang setir mobil, ngelirik ke luar jendela mobil, ngehela nafas, trus nengok ke aku, megang tanganku, baru nanya 'jadi kamu maunya gimana sayang...'/

"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian bukanlah penyair sekaliber Kahlil Gibran atau yang mampu menceritakan kisah romantis seperti Shakespear, maka itu kami pun tidak meminta kalian mengirimi kami puisi cinta berisi kalimat angan-angan nan indah setiap hari atau setiap minggu, tapi setidaknya mengertilah bahwa setelah menonton film korea yang amat romantis itu, kami sangat berandai-andai kekasih kami dapat melakukan yang sama, meskipun isi puisi tersebut tidak sebagus kahlil Gibran, kami akan sangat senang –sungguh- jika kalian mengirimkannya dengan tulus dan niat. (bahkan meskipun ujungnya terdapat "hehe, aneh ya?", kami akan benar-benar melayang, tuan)

/ga aku minta pun kamu selalu bisa romantis sama aku, walau aku sendiri ga romantis. :')/

"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian tidaklah setampan Leonardo Dicaprio, tapi tolong mengertilah itu sama sekali bukan masalah bagi kami, saat kami memuja-muja pemuda seperti itu, itulah pujian dan pujaan, tapi hati kami sungguhnya telah terikat oleh kalian, tuan. Mungkin saat itu kami hanya ingin tau apa pendapat kalian jika kami jatuh cinta pada orang lain, semacam mengukur tingkat kecemburuan kalian.

/nih makan, bim! hahaha lucu bgt deh ama sepupu kamu yang masih 3 taun aja kamu cemburu... :*/

"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian tidaklah semenakjubkan John Nash atau sebrillian Isaac Newton, namun kami sebenarnya sangat menghargai bantuan kecil dari kalian meskipun hanya membantu mencarikan artikel dari internet, kami ingin menunjukkan pada kalian bahwa kalian lebih kami percayakan daripada Newton atau Galileo.

/I know youre not an internet type, tapi aku selalu seneng setiap aku ada tugas dan mau nugas diluar pasti kamu bilang 'nugasnya mau ditemenin pacarnya ngggaaaak :D' :*/

"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian tidaklah segagah Achilles pada film Troy, maka itu kami tidak pernah minta kalian mengikuti program peng six-pack an tubuh atau kontes L-men. Namun dengan kalian berhenti dan tidak pernah merokok, kami sangat akan memilih kalian dari Achilles manapun. Menyuruh kalian berhenti merokok adalah untuk meyakinkan diri kami bahwa kalian lebih gagah dari Achilles (karena tentu kalian akan kalah beradu pedang dengan Achilles bukan?).

/d oh no komen deh aku mala suka perut kamu yg uwuwu bgt itu :3/

"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian bukan Pangeran dengan kuda putih yang akan melawan naga demi kami, karena kami pun bukan putri tidurnya, dan maka dari itu kami tidak pernah minta kalian melawan preman pasar yang pernah menggoda kami waktu lalu, tapi setidaknya, mengertilah tanpa kami harus minta, saat hujan lebat datang dan dirumah sedang mati lampu dan ayah ibu belum datang, kami hanya dapat mengandalkan kalian, maka itu temani kami walau hanya dengan sms dan telepon, karena menurut kami, berbincang dengan kalian adalah melegakan, maka itu jangan tradeoff (tukar) keadaan seperti itu dengan Game PES 2010 terbaru kalian itu (sangat mengesalkan! )

/hahaaa aku malah kadang ngeri sendiri kalo aku crita sama kamu aku takut/habis digangguin preman pasar... bisabisa kamu langsung dateng nyamper trus ngobrak abrik :') kamu selalu bilang 'kalo ada yang macem2 sama kamu bilang! nanti aku yang urus!' :*/

"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian bukanlah bayi yang harus diingatkan hal ini dan itu setiap waktunya, tapi mengertilah bahwa kami sangat merisaukan anda, kenapa kami mengingatkan kalian makan atau sembahyang, itu karena tepat saat itu, kami baru saja hendak makan atau sembahyang, maka itu saat kalian bertanya kembali atau mengingatkan kembali, kami akan jawab "iya, bentar lagi nih"

/untung kamu anaknya nurut :3/

"Kami, para wanita tau kalian bukanlah Romi Rafael yang pandai menyulap saputangan menjadi bunga, maka itu kami tidak pernah meminta hal hal semacam itu, namun mengertilah bahwa melihat bunga rose di pinggiran jalan itu menggoda hati kami, bahkan meski kami tidak suka bunga, pemberian kalian akan menjadi hal yang kami sukai, karena kami sebenarnya hanya sangat ingin menyimpan kalian saat itu, setelah malam kalian antar kami pulang, namun kami tahu kita harus berpisah saat itu.

/percakapan di sebuah lampu merah di kemang. bimo : *liat yg jual bunga diluar* sayang kamu mau kubeliin bunga ga? | nara : beliin aku es batu aja | bimo : hemh/

"Kami, para wanita tau kalian bukanlah Mr. Bean yang dapat membuat kami tertawa terbahak saat sedang bosan, maka itu jangan coba-coba menjadi juru selamat untuk mencoba membuat kami tertawa saat itu, karena kami tau kalian tidak mampu sekocak Mr. Bean dan malah hanya akan memperkeruh suasana, yang kami inginkan saat itu hanyalah memastikan kalian ada disamping kami saat masa-masa sulit meski hanya dengan senyuman menenangkan.

/kalo bimonya jayus mah gampang. tinggal bales bbmnya 'lucu lo ijib' kelar masalah fiuh/

"Kami, para wanita juga tau kalian bukanlah pemuda seperti Edward Cullen yang akan segera datang dengan Volvo saat kami diganggu oleh preman jalanan, namun setidaknya, pastikan kami aman bersama kalian saat itu dengan tidak membawa kami pulang terlalu larut dan mengantarkan kami sampai depan pintu rumah dan bertemu ayah ibu, (jangan hanya sampai depan gang, hey, tuan!)

/waaah ini mah gaperlu ditanya lagi. pulang kampus malem aja bimo ngebela2in ngejemput di stasiun padahal gue jalan kaki dari stasiun ke kosan aja bisa... :| /

"Kami, para wanita tau kalian tidak akan bisa seperti ibu kami yang dapat menghentikan tangisan kami, namun tolong mengerti, saat kami menangis dihadapanmu, kami bukan sedang ingin dihentikan tangisannya, justru kami sangat ingin kalian dihadapan kami menampung berapa banyak air mata yang kami punya, atau sekedar melihat apa reaksi kalian melihat kami yang –menurut kami- akan terlihat jelek saat menangis

/duh gatau, belom pernah nangis di depan bimo :3/

"Kami, para wanita tau juga sebenarnya, bahwa kalian tidak akan punya jawaban yang benar atas pertanyaan, "aku gendut ya?", kami sungguh tau, tapi saat itu kami hanya ingin tau, apa pendapat kalian tentang kami yang pagi tadi baru bercermin dan sedang merasa tidak secantik Kristen Stewart.

/'pacar akuuuuu kesayangan akuuu cintanya akuu yang paling cantiiiik' everyday is enough ;)/

"Kami tau, kalian adalah makhluk bodoh yang tidak peka dan terlalu lugu untuk percaya pada setiap hal yang kami katakan, tapi mengertilah bahwa saat kalian bertanya "baik-baik aja?" dan kami jawab "iya, aku baik-baik aja" itu adalah bahasa kami untuk menyatakan keadaan kami yang sedang tidak baik namun kami masih menganggap kalian adalah malaikat penyelamat yang mampu mengatasi ketidak-baik- baikan kami saat itu tanpa kami beritau, (tentu mestinya kalian sadari jika kami memang benar sedang baik-baik saja kami akan menambahkan perkataan seperti "iya aku baik-baik aja, malah tadi aku di kampus ketemu dengan dosen yang itu lho….*bla.bla. bla")

/'kamu kenapa?' 'gapapa' 'bohong *berentiin mobil* kamu kenapa sayang? ngomong sama aku.'

"Iya, kami sepertinya tau apa yang kalian pikirkan tentang kami yang begitu merepotkan. Tapi begitulah kami, akan selalu merepotkan kalian, tuan. Hal ini bukan sesuatu yang kami banggakan, namun inilah bahasa kami untuk mempercayakan hati kami pada kalian, jika kalian bukanlah pemuda yang kami percayakan dan kami butuhkan, tentu saja yang kami repotkan dan persulitkan bukan kalian. Kami makhluk yang amat perasa dan gampang merasa "tidak enak". Kami enggan merepotkan "orang lain".

/'aku tuh pengen sesering mungkin ketemu kamu, jadi jangan pernah sekalipun mikir kamu ganggu kerjaan aku. ngerti nar?'/

"Jika kami merepotkan dan menyusahkan, berarti kami menganggap anda bukanlah orang lain, tuan.

"Kami tidak senang bermain-main, tuan pemuda. Maka tolong jaga hati yang kami percayakan ini. Kami mungkin mudah berbesar hati atau "geer", tapi sekali kami menaruh hati kami pada satu pemuda, butuh waktu yang lebih lama dari menemukan lampu bohlam untuk menghilangkannya (bukan melupakan).

"Kami akan sulit menerima hati baru setelah itu, karena kami harus membiasakan diri lagi. Padahal kami sudah terbiasa dengan anda, terbiasa melakukan semuanya dengan anda. Maka tolong, mengertilah tuan. Karena kami, wanita sungguh sangat tau sebenarnya kalian, pemuda, dapat mengatasi semua tingkah kami yang merepotkan ini."

/ :-) /


Love is a drug and you are my cigarette
Love is addiction and you are my Nicorette
Love is a drug like chocolate, like cigarettes
I'm feeling sick, I've got to medicate myself

I want your love, don't try and stop me
Can't get enough, still hanging on me
Your guilty heart, don't let it break you
And if you pray, well no one's gonna save you

Like everyone that you fear and everything you hold dear
Even the book in your pocket
You are the sun and the light
You are the freedom I fight
I will do nothing to stop it, the origin is you
You're the origin of love

Well if God is a priest and the devil is hell
Well that's a reason for love
Like every word that you preach
Like every word that you teach
With every rule that you breach
You know the origin is you

From the air I breathe, to the love I need
Everything I know
You're the origin of love
From God above, to the one I love
Everything that's true
The origin is you

Like stupid Adam and Eve
They found their love in a tree
God didn't think they deserved it
He taught them hate, taught them pride
Gave them leaves, made them hide
Let's push the stories aside
You know the origin is you

Some love is pain and some love is a candy cane
It tastes so sweet but leaves you feeling sick with pain
Your love is air, I breathe it in around me
Don't know it's there but without it I'm drowning