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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Letting Go of A Bestfriend.

Listening to “I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About” by Mayday Parade ♫

People say, letting go is so much easier than moving on.

Well, to me, in order to move on, you have to let go. By letting go, I mean letting go in a complete way.  Letting go means accepting. We accept that things are sometimes do not go the way we want them to be. Letting go means knowing that we cant control others. The outcomes are not in our hands. Letting go is not to fix; some things are better off their own way. Letting go means learning that sometimes, in life, people grow apart. Letting go doesnt only happen in dating, it also happens in other relationships. For me, its even harder to let go of people others than lover. People who say losing lover is the worst, clearly never lose a bestfriend. I am mourning, here. I lost some of my bestfriends along the way to this year. For all the shits that happened in my life, losing bestfriends is clearly one of the shittiest.

Sometimes you just lay there and something reminds you of the good times you used to had. You ask yourself was this a right decision or not. You keep thinking and wondering if you made a mistake by stepping out, or you should have been fixing all the messes. I have been through those times. I keep thinking about them. I miss them, of course, but I just cant go back and pretend if nothing has ever happened. I wish nothing had happened, tho. I wish we were not supposed to be like this. How I wish, I wish, and I wish, but my wish isnt going to make any differences.

I let go of those wishes, and chose to move on. Yea, life is all about choices. I let myself had a temporary breakdown by then, I let myself sobbed like an idiot for losing bestfriends, I let myself had the time. I knew that I have to let go completely if I want to move on with my life. I let my wishes tortured me until it doesnt create a weight on my chest and hold my breath. Then, I moved on. There indeed are some empty spaces in my life that I have to fill, like the tendency of calling them when I was hiding in the mall's toilet to calm down the anger after the fight with my boyfriend or just those nights when I couldnt sleep and needed someone to talk over a silly post of 9gag or about our senior high school's friend who bitched in her Twitter.

The sad part is you are not the only one who move on. They will do, eventually. You will see them with their new bestfriends and you will wonder if they tell their new ones about you. People will stop questioning about what happened between you two, and the story about you and them will get old and dusty. You will not talking to them in some times, and when you finally do, it will be awkward and just a colloquialism. Sometimes, you will remember about all those, and it will make you inhale a long deep breath. When you exhale it, you know it is what always happens. It is life.


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