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Saturday, January 19, 2013

Airport

There is always something about airport that makes me want to write.

The chaos, the queue, the hello, the goodbye.
The sleepy face of the morning flight.
The non-stop grumbles of delayed flight.
The drunk face from long-hour jet-lag flight.

For me, airport is a particular place where finally I can think. What I'm trying to say is when I am flying solo, I always have this moment where I sit down, waiting for my boarding time, and reminisce the times I have to leave, and the ones I am about to have. The feelings will come all in a rush, and it gets me wandering to God knows where. I used to call my mom or my bestfriends but lately, it is just me and my mind (+my laptop/my iPhone).

Sometimes, all you need to have a quality time with yourself is a space between a fresh memories and an expectation of the new one.

And now, here I am, weeping because my next 17 days will be spent in Luwuk, but also excited for the first time I will be on a meeting with those VIPs from all over the world.

Right now I am waiting for my flight to Makassar. I have just finished my Caramel Machiato and I am sleepy as fuck. My flight is boarded at 9.10, but due to Jakarta's flood, the traffic is unpredictable. My boss insisted on going on at 5 in the morning, and that made me sleep at the office. Its so nice anyway its even better than my rented room :')

Actually I dont know what to write, I just feel like it. Doh its gonna be random, and Thyta said that my randomness is too random (yeah)

5th semester was hell, but it gave me the best GPA until now. What an irony :)) Praise Allah, tho. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. I do really want to graduate in 7th semester, but I am torn in choosing skripsi or nonskrip. My seniors told me to discuss it with Kajur, but mostly they suggest me to choose skripsi. 5 credits for skripsi. Dagdigdug talking about this always makes my heart beat faster.

Anyway, this spanish guy sitting next to me is so handsome. Doh!

My heart beats uneasily right now, not because this handsome guy anw ._. Caffeine overdozed, perhaps. God knows how much coffee I have drunk these past days. Bimo is hospitalized, and I slept at his hospital room twice. Sleep over with Bimo always means lack of sleep. I met his father, btw. Oow ow ow :" How I Met His Father. Yea go to hell nar.

Anyway. I really cant wait for being graduated. But when I talk about this to my mom, she said 'iyaa mama juga pengen kamu cepet lulus biar bisa cepet S2'
.............

Second anyway, MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE'S CONVENTIONAL WEAPONS IS SO GUHREAT I AM A PROUD FAN T_T

X

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Letting Go of A Bestfriend.

Listening to “I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About” by Mayday Parade ♫

People say, letting go is so much easier than moving on.

Well, to me, in order to move on, you have to let go. By letting go, I mean letting go in a complete way.  Letting go means accepting. We accept that things are sometimes do not go the way we want them to be. Letting go means knowing that we cant control others. The outcomes are not in our hands. Letting go is not to fix; some things are better off their own way. Letting go means learning that sometimes, in life, people grow apart. Letting go doesnt only happen in dating, it also happens in other relationships. For me, its even harder to let go of people others than lover. People who say losing lover is the worst, clearly never lose a bestfriend. I am mourning, here. I lost some of my bestfriends along the way to this year. For all the shits that happened in my life, losing bestfriends is clearly one of the shittiest.

Sometimes you just lay there and something reminds you of the good times you used to had. You ask yourself was this a right decision or not. You keep thinking and wondering if you made a mistake by stepping out, or you should have been fixing all the messes. I have been through those times. I keep thinking about them. I miss them, of course, but I just cant go back and pretend if nothing has ever happened. I wish nothing had happened, tho. I wish we were not supposed to be like this. How I wish, I wish, and I wish, but my wish isnt going to make any differences.

I let go of those wishes, and chose to move on. Yea, life is all about choices. I let myself had a temporary breakdown by then, I let myself sobbed like an idiot for losing bestfriends, I let myself had the time. I knew that I have to let go completely if I want to move on with my life. I let my wishes tortured me until it doesnt create a weight on my chest and hold my breath. Then, I moved on. There indeed are some empty spaces in my life that I have to fill, like the tendency of calling them when I was hiding in the mall's toilet to calm down the anger after the fight with my boyfriend or just those nights when I couldnt sleep and needed someone to talk over a silly post of 9gag or about our senior high school's friend who bitched in her Twitter.

The sad part is you are not the only one who move on. They will do, eventually. You will see them with their new bestfriends and you will wonder if they tell their new ones about you. People will stop questioning about what happened between you two, and the story about you and them will get old and dusty. You will not talking to them in some times, and when you finally do, it will be awkward and just a colloquialism. Sometimes, you will remember about all those, and it will make you inhale a long deep breath. When you exhale it, you know it is what always happens. It is life.



X

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Sebuah dongeng yang mengharukan

Pada suatu hari, hiduplah seorang Putri cantik yang bernama Margarita.
Ia adalah Putri dari Kerajaan Curug.
Saat ia berulang tahun yang ke-20, ia merasakan bahwa ia berbeda dari teman-temannya.
Saat ia bertanya kepada Permaisuri, beliau hanya terdiam lalu tertidur.
Putri Margarita semakin bimbang gundah gulana.
Suatu hari, ia menemukan sebuah lukisan tentang ia dan sebuah kata.
Dugong.

 

Ia bertanya-tanya dalam hati, apakah sebenarnya tulisan ini?
Apakah itu dugong?
Ia tidak tahu apapun mengenai dugong, namun ia memiliki firasat bahwa di dugong itulah semua jawaban akan pertanyaannya terjawab.
Namun sayangnya, ia tak memiliki clue tentang dimana latar dari lukisan itu. 
Suatu hari, saat ia sedang berkaca dan menggunakan lipsmackers edisi hit jaman sekarang, 


Ia menemukan kertas dikaca.
Ia pun mengajak dua sahabatnya, si cantik Nara dan Vika,
dua Lady terhormat,
untuk membantu menemukan jati dirinya.


Ia pun menemukan tiket.
Firasatnya semakin kuat.
Ini adalah takdir!
Ini adalah keajaiban alam!
Ia mempercayainya. 
Maka, dibawah terik matahari,
ketiga gadis ini melangkah malu-malu.
 



 Perjalanan ini siap dimulai!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Mereka menaiki kereta peluru sesuai petunjuk dari antah berantah itu. 
Namun nampaknya, kereta itu tidak cukup mahal bagi Lady Vika.
Ia terpaksa melepas sepatunya.
Mungkin sebenarnya ia adalah Cinderella.


Semakin kereta berjalan,
Pemandangan semakin asing.
Mereka bertiga terbiasa menaiki pesawat jet pribadi kemanamana,
jadi mereka asing dengan pemandangan seperti ini.
Biasa, orang kaya.


Akhirnya, terdengar suara yang menandakan akhir perjalanan mereka.



Namun sebenarnya, perjalanan mereka baru dimulai.
Sekarang, mereka menaiki burung biru.
Karna Putri Grita juga adalah pemain sinetron di Indosiar.
Cuma elangnya mahal. Lady Vika kan pelit.



 Sampailah mereka di pintu gerbang masa lalu Putri Grita.












Dalam keremangan, Putri Grita mencari.
Mak..
Mamak....



Putri Grita bertanya pada tetangga mamanya










Tidak ada yang tahu,
Namun Pari si Bijak memberitahukan bahwa ada Gua Ajaib yang bisa glow in the dark.



Disitulah, Putri Grita menyadari.
Ia belum siap bertemu masa lalunya....


Namun ia mendapatkan harta karun.
Karena rumor berkata,
ialah calon ratu laut yang selanjutnya...




 








Mereka pun memutuskan untuk kembali ke kehidupan nyata.





X

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

This, too, shall pass.

We didnt fight. We never yelled at each other. We never had the long awkward silence. We never ignored each other.

We met at least once a week.

We were perfect.

You were perfect to me, you were all the things I thought I want.
You were one simple joy in my one screwed up life.

But I am sorry. I just cannot.

I cannot do this no more.
I cannot go on and pretend everything is going to be just fine.
I may have forgive your one mistake, that one mistake you made.
But I simply cannot get over that, dear.
I cannot forget what you did to me.

Your dozens sorry wont affect me if its not armed with forgetting pills. If thats even exists.

Stop saying sorry, dear, thats not the problem.
Not forgiving, but forgetting.
That one, I cant.

I know I promised you forever, but life does not work that way.
I am sorry.
I know you love me, you know I still love you,
but dear,
in relationship, love isnt enough to keep us alive.

X