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Sunday, November 18, 2012

Highlight this

A friend of mine asked me the question I have been asking myself these days; Do this one look different than my previous one? Yeah, I mean, I showered my previous relationship with Public Display Affection, and it is a bit different from now, what I have with Bimo. I realize it, tho, but that doesnt mean I dont love Bimo with everything I have ;)

It is just, time flies. I am not that 1st year college student who only knows how to have fun and spend money whenever I like. I am also not that teenager with explosive attitude related with feelings. I was that girl who loved to create chaos, speak whatever I like, oh dear I was such an ignorant.

I am, tho. I dont change, people dont do change. I adapt. I grow up. I am still a bitch, but perhaps in a classy way *sigh* lol I also do not have that much of free time like I used to have. My world, now, doesnt only revolve in a lovey dovey romance. I have work, I have issues, I have plenty of task, I need to rest.

Relating this to my lovelife, its not that I dont have feelings toward him to be written here there everywhere, I am posting it still but perhaps in a smaller amount. That doesnt mean I love Bimo less ;)

Sometimes you know you are so comfortably in love you dont need to tell the whole world about it.

Thats just exactly how I feel.

Bimo himself is not the one who involves much in social network (I thank God for this, really). He has his work, and he loves to do offroad or motorcross more than checking timeline and blab :p I dont expect him to tweet me goodnight or goodmorning but on the other hand I dont have to be afraid of seeing him being friendly/flirty with another girls in socnet HAHAHA HIGHLIGHT THAT(!) Another thing is he will talk to me directly if he dislikes about something, not being cocky and tweet about that. I love that.

Although he is a stalker. Or it is just me, who publishes my life for people to see :')


X

Saturday, November 17, 2012

My only sunshine

How do you spend this long weekend? Mine is going to Cisolok, Pelabuhan Ratu, with my boyfieh :-D I kept grumbling how I wanted a holiday and beaches and an escape with him while I didnt have the time but yesterday. So he picked me up at Wed, and we went there at 6 p.m. It was a long trip, 5-6 hours. We spent 3 days there (well, two bcs it was midnight when we got there -_-) but theeeen it was fun! So sad I have to work at the weekend

I love the beaches, I love the skies, I love the sand, and I love him :-)

Anyway, Bimo had been bullying Kimut from God knows when -___- He even threw Kimut away to the back seat of his car. It was so funny to watch him got jealous over a fluffy teddy, but it was also annoying how he tortured my daughty back and forth -____________________- 


Preparation


Second day. View from his car.


;)


Sunset 


Last day


Morning view mwiwiwi


I kept telling him how it doesnt match his tattoes, seeing him playing with the sands -_-


Last beach while we had our lunch. iPhone was drown here -__-


Momma's Naya loveliest daughty who Bimo had been torturing. He threw Kimut back to the back seat right after I took this picture. It was still acceptable because at first, he wanted to throw Kimut out of his window -___- villain




----You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear how much I love you 
Please don't take my sunshine away----



X

Saturday, November 3, 2012

My first break-up

This post is on my gmail's draft. Yeah usually I choose to post through email from my phone. I wonder why I never send this one. Perhaps because it is an.. yeah, an honest and frontal one, but I think I am that brutally-spilling-truths-like-nobody-is-listening person so I decided to post this one. :-)
  
I also want to give credit to Bella who has this post that encourages me to post about my ex :-p

Here it goes----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The life lesson I most wish I had learned early in life is: If your partner dumps you, that is absolute proof they were not the one no matter how attached you feel, no matter how much you believe you could never love another, no matter how great it used to be, no matter if the heartbreak is the worst pain you ever felt. 

Taken from http://mindprod.com/deepthoughts/wise.html

Yeah. No matter what.

I am opening my notes on my iPhone and I have just found that paragraph that I copied times ago. Well, I feel... Related to it. I mean, I know how it feels.

"...no matter how attached you feel, no matter how much you believe you could never love another, no matter how great it used to be, no matter if the heartbreak is the worst pain you ever felt."

I used to feel that after I broke up with Rizky. I have to admit, first break up is tough.

The hottest love has the coldest end.

No, we're not friends anymore. We tried to be friends, but it turned out to be a repeated mistake. Our current condition as strangers is the best for both of us.

Its not that I still think about him; I just want to write this down. He knows how I love to write, so he wont be thinking I'd still think about him. I hope you readers can do the same, stop creating rumors. We both are already taken happily with our new loved ones, too. This is an early warning bcs this post may contain some serious issues related to my past relationship hahaha sok artis lu nar kaya blog ada yg baca aeee.

Well. Where do I begin?

First break up hurt like hell. I was so screwed at the moment I couldnt think straight. No, actually, the hardest part was the giving up. So, one step before breaking up. It was effin hard to just let go of what once was a good thing and give up. That was the most hurtful phase for me. Torn between holding on or letting go. I was having a hard time on giving up because I had, eh have, eh had ;p this pride that I prioritize among anything else. The thought of being replaced kills, no? I loved him too much at the moment and I also hated the feeling of losing that he made me feel. Really, I was such in a big dilemma.

Everyday was a guess; which version of you I might get on the phone today? Yea you know the ups and down of lingering. One day he talked sweet, and the other day he yelled at me. I kept praying for him to get sane and being back to the old us, but I somehow knew that it will end soon. I started to lose hope and unconsciously prepare myself for a real break up, but yeah. I had to get through this phase alive. I could not sleep at night. I called my friends or cried myself to sleep. I lost my mood to do anything. I lost my appetite.

You cannot die from a broken heart, you only wish you did.

That's just how screwed  I was before I decided to let him go.

But then, I let go.
 
I am loving myself.

There was I, then. Stumbling all alone at Depok. I felt quite okay after the break-up but I once thought I wont be able to love again, but then I was wrong. Perhaps I was blinded by the pain that he gave. I was blinded because I have never experienced a broken heart before.  I thought I wont be able to open my heart again. I wont be able to let my wall crumbles down.

I gotta tell you, I was wrong.

The pain is temporary, only the lesson that is permanent. I mean, when you are already in a new relationship, the trauma of your last relationship will be preventing you to screw up. At least, it happens to me. My relationship with Rizky was tiring. It drained ourselves, both of us.  It gave me what to and not to do, if you know what I mean.

For me, having a break up is only creating more specification for what men you wont get along with.

Let me say rephrase it; I thank him for the lessons :-)
I really do.

Dont let bad ending defines what once was a big happiness. No? :-)



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