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Tuesday, June 12, 2012


Everyone have their moment, they said. 
I guess I am just too tired with stuffs. My life has been so much of ups and downs, and I got tired of all the circles. I know I should be thankful because of the things God gives me, yet I am tired of losing. I know, some people have a boring life, monotone, they dont have any dramatical leap in their stories. Some people live only at their own zones. I know I should be thankful, but I am really really tired of losing. Although I keep gaining better things, but man, losing sickens me. My stomach feels funny, and my eyes are teary. I am sitting in my balcony, feeling safe and sound at my own home, and really, I have no intention to go to Jakarta again. Maybe this is my time. I know living in Jakarta is so fun and I have plenty of good things there and Jakarta is my big city dream and it suits me and it is what I want from the very first start, but right now I just want to stay at my home doing nothing else but talking to my mom and my brother and my family and going out with my dad and having a good time with all of my bestfriends. I know I gain more there, but sometimes its the familiarity that kills. I want to sleep and wake up as a senior high school student who is happy and has nothing to fear. I want to sleep and wake up at my first months with him. I want to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night because I have a bad dream and sleep at my mom's room till shubuh. I want to sleep and wake up with all of the things that once were mine. 
I miss you so much it hurts, it sickens, it drives me mad
I want to sleep away my current life for a moment just to take a breath. 

I'll be fine eventually as always but now, how I wish I were someone else facing something else in somewhere else.

I know I should be thankful. I know.

But, God......

I really, really want to sleep again, and never wake up. Bye.


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