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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Morning!

"....but then you put arrows to my both knees.." This is the last part of my post at Tumblr. Somehow, I do tumblring more than blogging :/ then all those love quotes start to dont make any sense then I skip those along and only focus on.... Uyun :" hahaha :p I really, really, really want to go abroad. My plan hasnt changed much. I want to graduate (cummlaude? :3) and then be a lecturer at UI while I am waiting for any opprtunities to find scholarship or Deplu's offer to work abroad. The matter is, I want to live abroad no matter what. I have no intention of being poor and stupid. Agencies offered me to join, but my mom said theres nothing barokah with being a model. Lately I have been thinking about that too. Everyone in Jogja encourage me to do so, while my friends here afraid it would disturb my college's time. And I am torn :") yeah exxageration detected I... I have my big city dream. When I was still in high school, I wanted to get out from Jogja. Jogja is just too small for me, it bores me. Then I got in at UI, I moved here then. I love Jakarta, I really do, but I want something more. I want my big city dream to happen. I want to live abroad. Its either I'm going bcs of my face, my money, or my brain. I prefer to go there bcs of my brain, but I wont reject if any agency offers me to work there :P but money? Nah i dont think so. I want to make money, not to spend it. If I have enough cash to send my ass somewhere abroad, it will only be a vacation or I will use it to take my parents to Tanah Suci first. Somehow, I am thankful to God, he has given me too much. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. My face never fails me (if you know what I mean ;)) my brain got me accepted in smp 5, sma 1, and UI which are the best of the best :P and money has never really been an issue. I love my life. I really am. Blame God for this, but I usually always get what I want. I am prepared to go thru distances to get what I want. They say I am the kind of girl you cannot say no to. Am I? Dare to prove it? Hehe :3

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Psychoanalysis

Now Listening: Titanium-David Guetta feat Sia


I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down, but I wont fall
I am Titanium
I am Titanium


~

Psychoanalysis captures my attention. Yeah.
Basically, human is divided into three parts; Superego, Ego, and ID.

Superego is what we believe, what we have decided to be. Our moral, our faith, our religion, our norms. God is exist and we have to worship Him. Killing is no good. We cannot force someone to be mine. We have to obey the rules.

ID is our desire, our lust, our wants, our needs. I want to kill my whore friend. You want to tore your jilbab and highlight your hair. She wants to be bad. He wants to try drugs.

Ego is the negotiation between ID and Superego. Ego will find a way we can satisfy our ID but not letting our Superego down. Ego will find a way to do something that doesnt disturb anyone. Ego will balance our Superego and ID.

We cannot control these things; it works in our unconsciousness.
Example: You are mad with your bestfriend. Your ID says that you should go yell at her and slap her face, but Superego wont allow you because she's your bestfriend. Ego will unconsciously deliver your need by being mad to other things or other people. Thats how it works, actually.

It amazes me how we can analyze ourselves from our behaviour. I want to know more about Psychoanalysis actually. Seeing my interest, Mitha asked me to take Psychology in my S2. Somewhere abroad. Uh, I am sooo gonna make it happen ehe ehe ehe :B

Actually, I want to know more about it because I want to control my ID. Hell yeah I want to take control of my unconscious world. It may sound absurd, but I really want to do it. Well, at least, analyzing it would be exciting as well.

Anyway, I really want to go, study, and live abroad. S2 maybe? AMEEEEEN▲



►N

Monday, April 23, 2012

Lights guide you through the emptiness 
There’s something you could found In the dark
The beat that you can feel inside 
And it won’t make you sad 
You will know