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Saturday, October 22, 2011

To whom I once called mine

▼Dedicated to someone out there, you know its you, tho I'm not sure you're gonna read this or not.

Hey you.

Listen, I'm sorry for the way I acted that morning. I'm sorry for my words. I'm sorry for stepping out from us with anger. I know, you probably thought that this mess I was angry with was my own fault, but nevertheless, you had me reached my limit. I know, there is no single word about the break up. I mean, a clear sentence like 'we're done' or somewhat. but I know if we both knew, that was the time when everything finally ended. 

But everything I have said to you, you may forget it, or you may remember that as your point of view about me, I dont really care. right now, I dont care if you do or you dont. I dont want to remember you as yourself these two months, I want to remember you as one year we had back then. as if we were once happy, I will remember you as you were, now as what you are right now. I have chosen to be like this. its easier to forget you with angers, since you knew I loved you so. deep down I'm sure I still beat for you, tho its nearly gone. 

As I see our old memories, I dont feel those pains in my chest anymore. plain, as I never expected before. also, I dont remember you anymore whenever I see things that reminded me of you before. I'm not sure I am happy with this situation, because I cant remember that happy feeling you gave me either. but I can say this, no matter what we have became right now, dont affect the fact that once we had are real. 

No matter how fast I have got over you, doesnt mean once I had for you wasnt real. 
I'm sure its either way with you.

We both are just damn good at adapting, at dealing with our thoughts. the fact is, I felt plain already when we havent broken up yet, those times when I was holding on. no matter how hard I suggested myself 'I love you, I can make us work, we can work' its just, my brain walks in a different way. I know I told you those cheesy lines, but, in fact, I started to prepare myself for a break up. that was when I realized, I'm so not the type of person. I just had to realize it myself. so, I'm sorry for being blinded by my childish fears these months. ehe. could have made this easier for both of us tho I didnt regret it :p

Thanks anyway. thanks for everything you gave to me. thanks, for crying over me for the first time (I swear boy cant forget the 1st girl he cries for :P) thanks for everything, I mean this. thanks for your shoulders, thanks for your hug. thanks for being there. thanks for trying. thanks for those chances. I'm sorry I couldnt be the way you expected me to be. I'm sorry for being sucha pain in the ass. I'm sorry for being sooo awesome that you had fallen for me :p

I wish we could be just fine, the next time we meet or communicating. I wish we could be cool. 

But I am so sorry, if I was the one who made us awkward. ehe

Someday, when we both are mature enough to understand about what always happens; life, lets just play together :D going somewhere, have fun, talk about our future lovelife with whoever we end up with, laugh about our stories, and burn that freaky village near the pss stadion where we almost get beaten up :P

Once again. I'm sorry, and thankyou :-)

Take care, and be good Rizky Hani Febrianto :-)▲



  1. "No matter how fast I have got over you, doesnt mean once I had for you wasnt real."

    Aw :"") I know you're okay, but, hang in there, okay, Nara? Hugging you from here!


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