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Monday, July 11, 2011

Love without depending

now listening “Make You Feel My Love” by Adele ♫

I have just read a quote and then it got stuck in my head. the whole quote is "Live without pretending, love without depending, hear without defending, say without offending" (....or somewhat like that :p) the part that I love the most is "Love without depending". the fact is I dont know whether I love it or it slapped me since it got stuck in my head without any wynn coming over ;p

Love without depending, what was that? hahaha. no, seriously, I was asking what was that -_- all of a sudden I thought about what kind of love that I have, not just with him, I mean, whats the definition of love that I thought I knew. the right timing was, he forgot to reply my text for about 3 hours when those words still hangin around my clouds. I love him, right? was that an excuse for me to be mad if he didnt contact me as often as we did before? was that an excuse for me to be mad if he couldnt make it when I asked for his help? is that a love or is that a need?

if you love someone, you want to make him happy right? does this known logic make you automatically think that "if he loves me, he should do anything to make me happy. if he is my boyfriend, he is somewhat responsible for my happiness." then whats the point of loving each other if love becomes a burden in something called 'responsibility of happiness"?

I know, I am a crap because I feel that way, too. I mean, I notice how my dependance to him is. I want him to be available for me whenever we are close to each other and not separated, just like a payment for those months separated. and now............. I have a fight with my own self. my logic >< my heart. I mean, this thought makes me realize that he's not responsible for my happiness, it was my myself, from the very first start. like, I was happy before I met him, so I should be happy by myself either eventhough I am his now. but then, my heart says, I deserve his time, eh? I am his girlf, he could have his own world without me needing him physically whenever we are far, whats so wrong about asking for his presence only few months a year?

this fight dizzies me, not to be hyperbol but it does ._. should I make up my mind? should I learn to have that single person's mentality back again eventho I am taken? they said 'dont be in a relationship if you still have one person's mentality' but crap, love without defending? hahahahaha bitter truths' attack!

now listening “Set My World on Fire” by The Feeling ♫ || (do) you wanna be free but not alone (?)


or.... is it about finding someone who wants to be depended on? I'll know sooner or later :'▲

►N

1 comment:

  1. I feel you mba Naraaa :') *hug* never meant to lecture, but when that happened to me, we talked it over and found a conclusion that yes, we do have our own lives, and that includes our relations with family, friends, etc. By then, we do acknowledge each necessity to mingle with them, and we do have the rights to do so.. I know it mite sound bitter, but yes, sometimes we do need to let him do his own business, his own will.
    Patience, and understanding.. :) *hug*

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