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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

"..jangan berharap.."


"apa yang kita lakuin tu jangan berharap dia lakuin kaya kita"

*since the quote is Indonesian, so lets just use Bahasa at this post :P*

kalimat itu membunuh. hahaha okay maafin bahasa yang agak kacau ya (>-<)v biasanya kalo ga pake bahasa hiperbol resmi buat naskah/puisi yaa pake bahasa yang sangat tidak resmi (dan kadang ga senonoh --) jadi yaa, begitulah :p

tapi beneran, aku diem beberapa saat habis ngebaca bbmnya fidi. kalimat itu...... aduh rasanya pengen nge-intersect itu ke otak (p.s: lagi demen banget nonton Chuck nih :">) atau ngga nge-inception. atau ngga dihipnotis deh biar bisa nerapin itu, yang paling realistis dari semua yang takpikir hahaha ._.

"apa yang kita lakuin tu jangan berharap dia lakuin kaya kita"

benerbener harus digarisbawah, dipertebal, digedein

"apa yang kita lakuin tu jangan berharap dia lakuin kaya kita"


oke itu udah mantep. kenapa aku bisa stuck, ehm, terjebak di kalimat itu? hahaha habis rasanya kaya ketampar broooo :/

sebenernya, asal muasal dari harapan yang kita taruh ke orang lain adalah karna kita punya bayangan tentang apa yang akan kita lakuin kalo kita ada di posisinya dia. ribet ya? simpelnya itu, setiap ada sesuatu yang ngelibatin orang lain biasanya kita mikir "kalo gue jadi dia sih gue bakal giniginigini" dan itulah yang bikin kita berharap dia bakal ngelakuin hal yang kita bayangin. orang yang punya pacar cuek secuek bebek juga pasti pernah berharap pacarnya bakal romantis walau udah apal sama sifat pacarnya.

dari kalimat fidi itu, aku jadi mikir kaya tadi, karna aku mikir kaya tadi, aku jadi mikir lagi tentang masalah masalah yang ada di hadepan aku sekarang. kadang aku marah sama pacar, sama sahabat, sama nyokap, sama bokap, karena mereka ga ngelakuin hal yang sama kaya yang ada di bayangan aku.

contoh :

nara                           : sayang aku bete nih masa pulang sendiri jadinya mana nunggunya disini sendirian
pacar (harapan)         : oh yaudah sayang aku kesana yaa nemenin kamu trus nganterin kamu pulang :)
pacar (kenyataan)      : haa kok bisa? sabar ya sayang. aku mau pergi sama temenku nih
nara                           : *ngemut baygon*

*ini contoh hlo ya, contoh*

begitulah contohnya. kadang aku marah (oke. sering.) karna tipikal kejadian kaya gini. apa yang ada di bayangan aku ga sama kaya yang ada di bayangan mereka, dan di kenyataan :') itu yang bikin kecewa. karna kita berharap. gimana caranya supaya ga berharap? gatau. hehe. jujur, aku gatau. mau sugesti sekuat apapun pasti ada sepercik duapercik ngarepnya deh. dan mau sepercik duapercik, rasa kecewanya ya sama aja. endingnya juga sama, marah berantem baikan.

kadang, kita terlalu sibuk sama apa yang ada di pikiran dan perasaan kita, jadi kita ga sempet mikirin perasaan yang lain. pas kita capek, si orang yang kita curhatin itu seharusnya bisa dijadikan sandaran yang tepat setiap saat. padahal, siapa yang tau kalo dia ternyata lagi lebih capek dari kita? cuma karna kita duluan curhat dan gabisa disela, jadi mereka ga sempet ngomong. akibatnya? responnya ga sesuai yang kita harapkan. berantem lagi deeeh.

(p.s : ini bukan cuma masalah perpacaran, tapi juga pertemanan dan persaudaraan)

kita gabisa berharap orang orang buat bersikap seperti kita. ga semua orang pikirannya sama kaya kita. buat sebuah hubungan, apapun jenisnya, ga butuh orang yang pikirannya sama. butuhnya cuma orang yang mau nerima. bisa apa engga itu pasti bisa asal mau :p

kalo mau diperlakuin sama kaya yang kita lakuin ke mereka, pacaran/temenan aja sama dirimu sendiri hahahahahahahahahahaha hahahah hahahahaha hahahaha ha ha ha ha-ha :p

kalo nyelesein masalah misalnya, ada yang pengennya ketemu face to face harus kelar. ada yang lebih suka maki2 pas masih emosi, keluarin semuanya saat itu juga, bahas, trus langsung kelar. ada yang sukanya nunggu tenang yang bener bener tenang dulu baru dibicarain. solusinya? ya harus cari jalan tengah, gimana caranya.

oke, teoriku bagus, aku tau :p tapi prakteknya? 0 besar ahaahahahaha .______. itu kenapa aku nulis di blog, supaya aku bisa baca lagi dan sadar, itu berguna lohh!
saat emosi? luapin. tulis. kalo udah tenang, baca lagi. liat, koreksi, dimana sisi ga dewasa kita. dimana salah kita. dimana salah dia.
saat dapet pencerahan? tulis. baca lagi. bullshit banget kalo orang sekali dibilangin langsung bisa berubah, langsung bisa sadar. susah, susah banget, susah banget untuk berubah. makanya, baca, lagi, terus, biar ngerasuk #cieebahasanyaa

ini sebenernya aku kaya nulis panduan buat diriku sendiri hahaah #pathetic #brbloncatkejurang

dan, terakhir, semoga saja semua hubungan di dunia ini baik-baik saja. say no to galaaau~ #sokide▲



►N

on repeat

▼...
I've turned myself away, where we cannot stay, we've struggling each day
many possibilities~
am I hurting you that much?
am I putting you in doubt?
did I treat you so unkind?
do I have to loose you now?
words still work to say, but my feelings never change, in a never ending way
time goes by, pass me by, dont stop, turn around~
time goes by, left behind, dont stop, turn around~
feel alone without you~
...
If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade.
I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything.
I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?
But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?
Oh, I thought the world of you.
I thought nothing could go wrong,
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.
...
Listen to me just this once, you should knowIt won’t take much time, it’s all in my mind
I’ve got so many things to say
I don’t know where you come from, what you made from
Something whisper me so good, how could you
Send me a pack of lies
We could make it simple, why you always set me in trouble
I’ve never been so sure, my feeling lack to shows
But you don’t even care I know
You can fill your eyes with tears, wreath your face with smile
Somehow I can’t deny, but I’m trying to let you go
If this is your game, you're the only one who makes the rules
I've tried to play this one
If this is your game, but you never let me find the rules
I'm tired to play this one and I lose myself for nothing
I wonder if you know
Suddenly you changed my mind
I wonder why you go
I can’t believe what we’ve become now
I wonder if you know suddenly you make me drown
I wonder why you go
I’ve only got myself to blame
...
Always when we fight
I try to make you laugh
Til everything's forgotten
I know you hate that
Always when we fight
I kiss you once or twice
And everything's forgotten
I know you hate that
I love you Sunday song
The week's not yet begun
And everything is quiet
And it's always...
You and me always, and forever
You and me always, and forever
ba ba ba ba da ba, it was always
You and me always
You tell me I'm a real man
and try to look impressed
Not very convincing
But you know I love it
Now we watch TV
Til we fall asleep
Not very exciting
But it's you and me and we'll always be together
You and me always, and forever
It was always you and me always, and forever
...
It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both
I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
I just don't know
If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you
Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way
A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep
Built a wall around my heart
I'll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep
Though we have not hit the ground
Doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains
...▲

►N

Monday, July 11, 2011

gamungkin ada yg kaya gini :|

►N

Love without depending

now listening “Make You Feel My Love” by Adele ♫

I have just read a quote and then it got stuck in my head. the whole quote is "Live without pretending, love without depending, hear without defending, say without offending" (....or somewhat like that :p) the part that I love the most is "Love without depending". the fact is I dont know whether I love it or it slapped me since it got stuck in my head without any wynn coming over ;p

Love without depending, what was that? hahaha. no, seriously, I was asking what was that -_- all of a sudden I thought about what kind of love that I have, not just with him, I mean, whats the definition of love that I thought I knew. the right timing was, he forgot to reply my text for about 3 hours when those words still hangin around my clouds. I love him, right? was that an excuse for me to be mad if he didnt contact me as often as we did before? was that an excuse for me to be mad if he couldnt make it when I asked for his help? is that a love or is that a need?

if you love someone, you want to make him happy right? does this known logic make you automatically think that "if he loves me, he should do anything to make me happy. if he is my boyfriend, he is somewhat responsible for my happiness." then whats the point of loving each other if love becomes a burden in something called 'responsibility of happiness"?

I know, I am a crap because I feel that way, too. I mean, I notice how my dependance to him is. I want him to be available for me whenever we are close to each other and not separated, just like a payment for those months separated. and now............. I have a fight with my own self. my logic >< my heart. I mean, this thought makes me realize that he's not responsible for my happiness, it was my myself, from the very first start. like, I was happy before I met him, so I should be happy by myself either eventhough I am his now. but then, my heart says, I deserve his time, eh? I am his girlf, he could have his own world without me needing him physically whenever we are far, whats so wrong about asking for his presence only few months a year?

this fight dizzies me, not to be hyperbol but it does ._. should I make up my mind? should I learn to have that single person's mentality back again eventho I am taken? they said 'dont be in a relationship if you still have one person's mentality' but crap, love without defending? hahahahaha bitter truths' attack!

now listening “Set My World on Fire” by The Feeling ♫ || (do) you wanna be free but not alone (?)


or.... is it about finding someone who wants to be depended on? I'll know sooner or later :'▲

►N

Sunday, July 10, 2011


▼bestfriends kick!▲

 ►N

Saturday, July 9, 2011

10-15!

Day 11: Pick one thing you miss (I know there are 19238923842039402394 things) and describe it in detail.


when he came to see me in Jakarta. he picked me somewhere at June when I was finishing my 2nd period ;) that was his first time going somewhere far alone, and his first time going somewhere far by a public transportation. he arrived at 4 am, and arrived here at UI at 5. we spent these 3 days together at Jakarta and we got home together.. how I wish we could do it anytime we want. those days are sucha bless.

Day 12: How would you define love?



Love is when someone becomes your half :"

Day 13: What do you think is the hardest thing about distance?


when we desperately need each other but we just cant........no other words :')

Day 14: Describe a moment you had with him/her last time you were together. (If you haven’t met, describe how the perfect moment would be)


last time? uh July 7, he picked me at the office, accompanied me picking my bag at SMP 5, ate pisang ijo, coto makassar, sotu sulung (we ate like a pig :| ngg) then we got into my house, ate bu santi's (toldcha) and cuddled :3 doing dhuhur's pray, mmh then he drove me to bus station, and we havent met since I am now at Depok alrd ;)

Day 15: Favorite love (LDR or not) song?


Wonderwall-Oasis!


►N

6-10!



Day 6: What is the most random thing you know abt him/her?

what? hngg :| he hates bugs and durian

Day 7: How do you communicate with each other? 

text. phone call. twitter/fb/ym. anw hon pls use yer skype :p

Day 8: Favorite thing you’ve given him/her?

Idk, you better ask him ehe :B

Day 9: Favorite thing she/he has given you?

Aw thats a secret ahahaha mmh okay, his email? uhuk

Day 10: Favorite thing about him/her?

Actually I love anything about him :$ cheesy flirty but its trueee wek :p but if I have to mention one of my favs... it has to be his hug! I love falling asleep on his hug, esp when I lay my head on his shoulder. He's tall and has a wide upper so I just love it when he hugs me and covers me body with his long and big hug! I wish I could formulate the feeling of being hugged by him so that I could bottled it and I would make it as my aspirine when we are separated. 



I love you xxx▲
 ►N

second kind of challenges

▼me knows its so cheesy fillin out this blog with these quests and challenges but yeaaah :p
I've got it from my friend's tumblr. it should be 30 quests, but they havent answered the last fifteen quests yet ;)
so this should be a 30 days challenge, but I'll have those fifteen written today all in three posts ;)


Day 1: Your name and his/her name
Medina Rachma Lea. Rizky Hani Febrianto.

Day 2: Your ages
Same age, 19 on 2011. He turned 19 last Feb, and I will turn 19 next month, yeah rite when this challenge is done :p

Day 3: Your locations
We come from Yogyakarta, but he is studying at UNS, Solo, and me at UI, Depok. I know its just a one hour flight but it seems so hard to catch up :"
Day 4: How did you meet?


Twitter, ha. yea feel free to laugh =____= that was our first time indirect conversation. well I remembered one day I opened my FB's account and there's a fr from him, it was my 10 or 11 grade :| and I asked Alifa 'looks like I've known his name, familliar, any idea?' and she answered 'ooh that was my jhs' mate, and also my neighbor, probably you've heard it from Anin' and then I remembered he was my es' friend's lover and Anin talked much abt him wokwok
then it was.. uhm.. nearly fasting month in 2009 I supposed. somewhere between August. we talked much about this but I insist he followed me first then when I checked my followers' list I've seen his name and his tweet about distro's discount and then RT-ed it bcs I also wanted to go thereee! his vers was I was a stranger who RTed his tweet, cih I dont do random tweeting with strangersss wek :p at that time, he used to be my bestfriend's friend's lover whom actually was in the same jhs as me. we had a hard time back then when we were still be friends, some ppl had mistaken abt us, abt what was us. we were friends :) then he went with his world and so am I but I guess we still contacted each other, I mean, yea as a friend :/ honestly I dont really remember when did we start to get closer.. we just did :| no point of asking him, he has a short term mem =_= 
ah! but we had our official meeting when he came to me someday at Subha, sucha creepy coincidence uhuk :p

Day 5 : Since when have you been together? 

11 months for today ;;) look at my blog's footer anw ehe ehe▲ 


►N

Friday, July 8, 2011

Quests

▼reblog from Ruth



  • Shoe Size: 39-40.

  • Sexual Orientation: Straight

  • Do you Smoke? Nah

  • Do you Drink? Nah

  • Do you Take Drugs? Yes if it is a need

  • Age you get mistaken for: Hi sch, eh? Ha :P

  • Have Tattoos? Nah

  • Want any tattoos? Yea

  • Got any Piercings? Yea

  • Want any piercings? One more

  • Best friend? Much

  • Relationship status: Taken :3

  • Biggest turn ons: Music, Firework, Vacation

  • Biggest turn offs: Bugs, Amphibi, Papaya

  • Favorite Movie: TMTM

  • I’ll love you if: You love me 

  • Someone you miss: Uhuk

  • Most traumatic experience: Almost die? ehe

  • A fact about your personality: Unpredictable

  • What I hate most about myself: My appetite :"

  • What I love most about myself: Myself ;p

  • What I want to be when I get older: Creative Director

  • My relationship with my sibling(s): Yea he loves me

  • My relationship with my parents: Not that kind of keluarga cemara thingir

  • My idea of a perfect date: Somewhere private and pwwetty which I've never been before <3

  • My biggest pet peeves: Mmh

  • A description of the girl/boy I like: Him? Schooo heartbreaker? Yea that kind of guy :p

  • A description of the person I dislike the most: Who mess with me and who interupt my life, gth

  • A reason I’ve lied to a friend: Because I love them *repost

  • What I hate the most about school/college: The marks, the exams, the tasks

  • What my last text message says: "Iyaaaa"

  • What words upset me the most: "You're not good enough"

  • What words make me the best about myself: Moody, sarcastic, cute? :p

  • A wish that I’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11: Koke misses me?

  • What I find attractive in boys: Random

  • Where I would like to live: Anywhere insteresting

  • One of my insecurities: Easily get disappointed

  • My childhood career choice: Witch

  • My favorite ice cream: B&J's

  • Who I wish I could be: None

  • Where I want to be right now: In his hug #alah

  • The last thing I ate: Snack biting ._.

  • Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately: Hayden C<3

  • A random fact about anything: I'm sleepy


  • ►N

    Tuesday, July 5, 2011

    please allow me to be selfish

     now listening “Ruins” by Polyester Embassy ♫

    here I am, sitting somewhere in the city. you know, I've promised myself to write here whenever we dont contact each other.
    mad? yea, still, sort of. actually, its a bit more to disappointed. and tired. and frustated. hahaha. fyi, do you know one of my bestfs mad at me. she said that I was waaay too much in spending times with him. even sometimes if we hang out together, he also joins us. she said that back then, I hate my friends who spend too much time with their lover, but now I almost do the same. it was ironic when she said that to me, he was in a situation which he had to cancel your promise to me bcs of his friends :'' wasnt it ironic? uh? hahaha

    lately I've been thinking so much about this. please allow me to be selfish, only for this time, only for this occasion, only for this one. I spent 8 months a year apart from my hometown, apart from my bestfriends, apart from him. when I come back, I dont take much of your time, right? I only take 3-4 months a year, and I'm not asking for full days togetherness. to be honest, I really miss him, like, so much. not to mention I dont miss my friends, I miss them too! its just, I expect I could have him whenever I want, just like I am trying to be available for him in whenever he wants. I expect him to understand that he could just see his friends in those 8 months, whenever I am at Depok alrd. not that I dont allow him to see his friends, I just hate it when he cancels our promises just bcs of his friends. how I hate broken promises :'(

    please allow me to be selfish. I dont take much of his time, eh? I only ask for 3-4 months a year :'( is that too much? is that too much for him to handle? hon? I just want him to keep his promises (and upgrade his skill to read situation) I know, he often rejects your friends' invitation bcs of me. he said to them that you have a priority. kinda flattering, but honey I dont ask for you to be with me 24/7, just dont break your promise, please? :(

    please allow me to be selfish. he said that he didnt know if broken promises hurt so much, but it does hurt sooo much for me :( I'm not willing to let he knows what it feels like, bcs I dont want him to hate me bcs of that. I hate him bcs of that, yeah I did, but it didnt beat the reason why I fell for him. I still love him no matter what.

    please allow me to be selfish. he said sorry, I forgave him right when he said that. but sugar, it didnt gone, the heartache. for me, sorry is an action. saying that you're sorry is one of the ways of asking for apologize. I need him to acts his sorry. not to be drown in silence bcs I also didnt contact him. he asked what do I want and I still couldnt figure it out whether he is tired or he is totally clueless and doesnt know what to do. but I dislike the way he didnt even try to break the silence. make me feel like... like.... like he doesnt even care to solve this.

    please allow me to be selfish. I know, I said too much when I was mad at him, but it was the first time I lost my self-control in front of him. I'm so sorry, but I have reasons, if you could understand :')

    please allow me to be selfish. I have friends, you have friends, we both have time, lets just make it simpler with no hurt feeling, eh? :')

    please allow me to be selfish, cant you?


    the most common failure that I have to deal is when I want to make everyone including myself happy with one same situation



     ►N