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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

couple of years ago

Mama please stop cryin', I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful and it's tearing me down
I hear glasses breakin' as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn't mean those nasty things you said

You fight about money about me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter

It ain't easy, growin' up in world war 3
Never known what love could be

You'll see,
I don't want love to destroy me
Like it has done to my family

Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Daddy please don't leave

Daddy please stop yelling, I can't stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin' cause I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says it's true
I know that she hurts you but remember I love you too

I ran away today, ran from the noise
Ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place
But don't have no choice, no way

In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes naturally
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
I don't want a stepbrother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name

Mama'll be nicer
I'll be so much better
I'll tell my brother
Oh I won't spill the milk at dinner
I'll be so much better
I'll do everything right
I'll be your little girl forever
I'll go to sleep at night

I don't want love to destroy me
Like it has done to my family~

I dont know when but I remember it just when I hear this song

Mom : Do you remember this song?
Me : Emm, dunno *rollingeyes*
Mom : When you were a kid, you used to sing this song whenever mom&dad fought. With those unclear english haha. You said, this song suits us. Dont you remember?
Me : Nope
Mom : Well just asking
Me : Uh huh

I do, mom. I do remember. I do remember every inch of your fights. I do remember every detail of your break-up. I do remember the day, your tears, dad's regret, I do remember all of it. I'm just not that sentimental person, perhaps not in front of you. At the very first, things were already told me not to spill the sadness, anger, disappointment out. How can I cry if I saw you cried first? My tears wont make anything better, so its better if I tried to calm you. I want to yell at dad, I want to mad at him, but he already talked to me, asked for my acceptances, a 4th-grade girl's understanding. I just...

I know, you both were a total mess. You didnt even close to the word 'parents'. but I just love you too much till it hurts. Till I forgot how to be happy because I'm busy making people around me happy. Thanks anyway, you both taught me how to shut my feelings down and keep it for myself. I'm happy for your divorcee, because you both were happier that way. Lets just forget about your lil girl, I've grown enough to let you go.

One thing that made me laugh back then was when you took me to the whatsocalled, spesialis bawah sadar? 0_o you said you want him to 'open' my true feeling because for you, I was just too quiet for a broken-home girl. Ha-ha-ha. You really need to make up your mind, who's fault was this? How could I express what I truly felt at that time when you both were too busy drown in your own feeling in front of me?
You said that you are afraid if I had any untold anger, untold sadness, that buried deep down in my heart, screw that. I'm good, lets just consider your daughter as a most patient one. Am I being too strong or what? Dont be afraid mom, its just me :p Ha-ha

Nevertheless, I'm still glad to have you both. Thou daddy alrd has a new family but he doesnt forget me. Mommy seems excited to find a new one either, I'm sorry mom, your man have to come toward me. Whops! I'm not saying 'over my dead body' anw :p

Haha I really dont want love to destroy me, like it has done to my family~


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