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Monday, February 28, 2011

Don't you turn your back on me,
Don't you walk away.
Don't you tell me that I don't care,
Cause' I do.

Don't you tell me, I'm not the one,
Don't you tell me, I ain't no fun,
Just tell me you love me, like I love you.
You know you do.

When we're together,
Gray skies are clearer.
And I'll share them, till where I'm less depressed.
And it's sincerely, from the bottom of my heart,
I just can't take it when we're apart.

We belong together,
We belong together.
Yes, we do,
You'll be mine, forever.

We belong together,
We belong together.
Oh, it's true,
It's gonna stay this way, forever,
Me and you.

If I could really talk to you,
If I could find a way.
I'm not shy,
There's a whole lot I wanna say,
Oh of course there is!

Talk about friendship, and loyal things.
Talk about how much you mean to me.
And I'll promise, to always be by your side,
Whenever you need me.

The day I met you,
Was the luckiest day of my life.
And I bet you feel the same.
At least I hope you do.
So don't forget,
If the future should take you away,
That you'll aways be part of me.

We belong together,
We belong together.
Wait and see.
Gonna be this way, forever.

We belong together,
We belong together.
Honestly,
We'll go on this way, forever,
Me and you,
You and me.

N♥

Saturday, February 26, 2011

kami, para wanita

"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian bukanlah tokoh romantis yang dapat melukis seperti Jack Dawson dalam Titanic, maka itu kami tidak pernah minta kalian melukis wajah kami dengan indah, paling tidak saat kami minta kalian menggambar wajah kami, gambarlah, meskipun hasil akhirnya akan seperti Jayko adik perempuan Giant dalam film Doraemon, tapi kami tahu, kalian berusaha.


"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian bukan peramal seperti Dedi Corbuzier yang dapat menebak isi pikiran kami atau apa yang kami inginkan saat kami hanya terdiam dan memasang wajah bosan, tapi saat itu kami hanya ingin tau, sesabar apakah kalian menghadapi kami jika kami sedang sangat menyebalkan seperti itu, kami tidak minta kalian mampu menebak keinginan kami, setidaknya bersabarlah pada kami dengan terus bertanya `jadi sekarang maunya gimana?`


"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian bukanlah penyair sekaliber Kahlil Gibran atau yang mampu menceritakan kisah romantis seperti Shakespear, maka itu kami pun tidak meminta kalian mengirimi kami puisi cinta berisi kalimat angan-angan nan indah setiap hari atau setiap minggu, tapi setidaknya mengertilah bahwa setelah menonton film korea yang amat romantis itu, kami sangat berandai-andai kekasih kami dapat melakukan yang sama, meskipun isi puisi tersebut tidak sebagus kahlil Gibran, kami akan sangat senang –sungguh- jika kalian mengirimkannya dengan tulus dan niat. (bahkan meskipun ujungnya terdapat "hehe, aneh ya?", kami akan benar-benar melayang, tuan)


"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian tidaklah setampan Leonardo Dicaprio, tapi tolong mengertilah itu sama sekali bukan masalah bagi kami, saat kami memuja-muja pemuda seperti itu, itulah pujian dan pujaan, tapi hati kami sungguhnya telah terikat oleh kalian, tuan. Mungkin saat itu kami hanya ingin tau apa pendapat kalian jika kami jatuh cinta pada orang lain, semacam mengukur tingkat kecemburuan kalian.


"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian tidaklah semenakjubkan John Nash atau sebrillian Isaac Newton, namun kami sebenarnya sangat menghargai bantuan kecil dari kalian meskipun hanya membantu mencarikan artikel dari internet, kami ingin menunjukkan pada kalian bahwa kalian lebih kami percayakan daripada Newton atau Galileo.


"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian tidaklah segagah Achilles pada film Troy, maka itu kami tidak pernah minta kalian mengikuti program peng six-pack an tubuh atau kontes L-men. Namun dengan kalian berhenti dan tidak pernah merokok, kami sangat akan memilih kalian dari Achilles manapun. Menyuruh kalian berhenti merokok adalah untuk meyakinkan diri kami bahwa kalian lebih gagah dari Achilles (karena tentu kalian akan kalah beradu pedang dengan Achilles bukan?).


"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian bukan Pangeran dengan kuda putih yang akan melawan naga demi kami, karena kami pun bukan putri tidurnya, dan maka dari itu kami tidak pernah minta kalian melawan preman pasar yang pernah menggoda kami waktu lalu, tapi setidaknya, mengertilah tanpa kami harus minta, saat hujan lebat datang dan dirumah sedang mati lampu dan ayah ibu belum datang, kami hanya dapat mengandalkan kalian, maka itu temani kami walau hanya dengan sms dan telepon, karena menurut kami, berbincang dengan kalian adalah melegakan, maka itu jangan tradeoff (tukar) keadaan seperti itu dengan Game PES 2010 terbaru kalian itu (sangat mengesalkan! )

*ngakak *untung aku ga pernah keganggu sama aktivitas ngegamemu :''p


"Kami, para wanita sungguh sebenarnya tau bahwa kalian bukanlah bayi yang harus diingatkan hal ini dan itu setiap waktunya, tapi mengertilah bahwa kami sangat merisaukan anda, kenapa kami mengingatkan kalian makan atau sembahyang, itu karena tepat saat itu, kami baru saja hendak makan atau sembahyang, maka itu saat kalian bertanya kembali atau mengingatkan kembali, kami akan jawab "iya, bentar lagi nih"

*nah ini!!


"Kami, para wanita tau kalian bukanlah Romi Rafael yang pandai menyulap saputangan menjadi bunga, maka itu kami tidak pernah meminta hal hal semacam itu, namun mengertilah bahwa melihat bunga rose di pinggiran jalan itu menggoda hati kami, bahkan meski kami tidak suka bunga, pemberian kalian akan menjadi hal yang kami sukai, karena kami sebenarnya hanya sangat ingin menyimpan kalian saat itu, setelah malam kalian antar kami pulang, namun kami tahu kita harus berpisah saat itu.

*hiks


"Kami, para wanita tau kalian bukanlah Mr. Bean yang dapat membuat kami tertawa terbahak saat sedang bosan, maka itu jangan coba-coba menjadi juru selamat untuk mencoba membuat kami tertawa saat itu, karena kami tau kalian tidak mampu sekocak Mr. Bean dan malah hanya akan memperkeruh suasana, yang kami inginkan saat itu hanyalah memastikan kalian ada disamping kami saat masa-masa sulit meski hanya dengan senyuman menenangkan.

*ini juga!!!!!


"Kami, para wanita juga tau kalian bukanlah pemuda seperti Edward Cullen yang akan segera datang dengan Volvo saat kami diganggu oleh preman jalanan, namun setidaknya, pastikan kami aman bersama kalian saat itu dengan tidak membawa kami pulang terlalu larut dan mengantarkan kami sampai depan pintu rumah dan bertemu ayah ibu, (jangan hanya sampai depan gang, hey, tuan!)


"Kami, para wanita tau kalian tidak akan bisa seperti ibu kami yang dapat menghentikan tangisan kami, namun tolong mengerti, saat kami menangis dihadapanmu, kami bukan sedang ingin dihentikan tangisannya, justru kami sangat ingin kalian dihadapan kami menampung berapa banyak air mata yang kami punya, atau sekedar melihat apa reaksi kalian melihat kami yang –menurut kami- akan terlihat jelek saat menangis

*ehem, kok aku engga suka nangis dihadapan cowokku ya ._.


"Kami, para wanita tau juga sebenarnya, bahwa kalian tidak akan punya jawaban yang benar atas pertanyaan, "aku gendut ya?", kami sungguh tau, tapi saat itu kami hanya ingin tau, apa pendapat kalian tentang kami yang pagi tadi baru bercermin dan sedang merasa tidak secantik Kristen Stewart.

*aku gendut kok huh


"Kami tau, kalian adalah makhluk bodoh yang tidak peka dan terlalu lugu untuk percaya pada setiap hal yang kami katakan, tapi mengertilah bahwa saat kalian bertanya "baik-baik aja?" dan kami jawab "iya, aku baik-baik aja" itu adalah bahasa kami untuk menyatakan keadaan kami yang sedang tidak baik namun kami masih menganggap kalian adalah malaikat penyelamat yang mampu mengatasi ketidak-baik- baikan kami saat itu tanpa kami beritau, (tentu mestinya kalian sadari jika kami memang benar sedang baik-baik saja kami akan menambahkan perkataan seperti "iya aku baik-baik aja, malah tadi aku di kampus ketemu dengan dosen yang itu lho….*bla.bla. bla")

*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


"Iya, kami sepertinya tau apa yang kalian pikirkan tentang kami yang begitu merepotkan. Tapi begitulah kami, akan selalu merepotkan kalian, tuan. Hal ini bukan sesuatu yang kami banggakan, namun inilah bahasa kami untuk mempercayakan hati kami pada kalian, jika kalian bukanlah pemuda yang kami percayakan dan kami butuhkan, tentu saja yang kami repotkan dan persulitkan bukan kalian. Kami makhluk yang amat perasa dan gampang merasa "tidak enak". Kami enggan merepotkan "orang lain".


"Jika kami merepotkan dan menyusahkan, berarti kami menganggap anda bukanlah orang lain, tuan.


"Kami tidak senang bermain-main, tuan pemuda. Maka tolong jaga hati yang kami percayakan ini. Kami mungkin mudah berbesar hati atau "geer", tapi sekali kami menaruh hati kami pada satu pemuda, butuh waktu yang lebih lama dari menemukan lampu bohlam untuk menghilangkannya (bukan melupakan).


"Kami akan sulit menerima hati baru setelah itu, karena kami harus membiasakan diri lagi. Padahal kami sudah terbiasa dengan anda, terbiasa melakukan semuanya dengan anda. Maka tolong, mengertilah tuan. Karena kami, wanita sungguh sangat tau sebenarnya kalian, pemuda, dapat mengatasi semua tingkah kami yang merepotkan ini."

*these last parts are my fav. I'm so so sorry honey if I ever annoy you :''B but these last parts are simply true. since you are not my 'orang lain', you already become my half, because I trust you and I need you that much much much.. :"""B


N♥

hebel

kemaren aku kontrol behel setelah absen selama.. err... 2 bulan? pokoknya terarkhir aku kontrol itu november :| kasian banget hidupku *lebay* hahak jadi rencananya aku pengen pindah dokter, tapi waktu desember itu tu behelku copot 3. kalo di dokter gigi yang di depok, setiap behel yang copot itu kena charge 50ribu. aku udah nyiapin sih, tapi ternyata duitnya kepake buat yang lain pas itu. jadi, postponed deh. rencana selanjutnya adalah kontrol behel pas di jogja, di rumah ayang, tapiiiiiii uhuk aku males :''p dan nasib behel saya terbengkalai sampai kemarin.

kemaren, aku dianterin mama sama ale ke cibubur buat kontrol behel. diutak atik gitu kan, dibenerin, tau-tau dokternya nyuruh cabut. duarrrr udah takut aja .___. yakin deh udah pucet, karena dicabut = disuntik. iyuh -3- akhirnya ngeluarin senjata andelan kalo kepeksanya dicabut pas di dokter gigi = minta gusinya dibius pake gel dulu baru disuntik HAHAHAHA cemen banget ya (n) biarin, punya hak kok huh -3-

dan akhirnya, dengan mata ditutup dan kuping kesundul headset, pencabutan gigi pun sukses.

mama naranya ompoooooong -_____-

dan malemnya pun sangat teramat kesiksa karena gigi dicabut + behel dikencengin + mual mual + batuk berdahak ;__; ga keitung berapa kali kebangun deh, niatnya mau sms pacar tapi nanti malah susah tidur lagi ;__; akhirnya dipeluk mama deh tidurnya unyuuuu :$

tapi nggesernya cepet sih. gigiku yang mundur kemaren2 langsung maju, walau ga langsung rapi. kayaknya gigi bawahku bakal ga simetris sama yang atas, tapi yaudahdeh~


N♥

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

couple of years ago

Mama please stop cryin', I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful and it's tearing me down
I hear glasses breakin' as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn't mean those nasty things you said

You fight about money about me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter

It ain't easy, growin' up in world war 3
Never known what love could be

You'll see,
I don't want love to destroy me
Like it has done to my family


Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out?
Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better
Daddy please don't leave

Daddy please stop yelling, I can't stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin' cause I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says it's true
I know that she hurts you but remember I love you too


I ran away today, ran from the noise
Ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place
But don't have no choice, no way



In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes naturally
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
I don't want a stepbrother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name


Mama'll be nicer
I'll be so much better
I'll tell my brother
Oh I won't spill the milk at dinner
I'll be so much better
I'll do everything right
I'll be your little girl forever
I'll go to sleep at night

I don't want love to destroy me
Like it has done to my family~

I dont know when but I remember it just when I hear this song

Mom : Do you remember this song?
Me : Emm, dunno *rollingeyes*
Mom : When you were a kid, you used to sing this song whenever mom&dad fought. With those unclear english haha. You said, this song suits us. Dont you remember?
Me : Nope
Mom : Well just asking
Me : Uh huh

I do, mom. I do remember. I do remember every inch of your fights. I do remember every detail of your break-up. I do remember the day, your tears, dad's regret, I do remember all of it. I'm just not that sentimental person, perhaps not in front of you. At the very first, things were already told me not to spill the sadness, anger, disappointment out. How can I cry if I saw you cried first? My tears wont make anything better, so its better if I tried to calm you. I want to yell at dad, I want to mad at him, but he already talked to me, asked for my acceptances, a 4th-grade girl's understanding. I just...

I know, you both were a total mess. You didnt even close to the word 'parents'. but I just love you too much till it hurts. Till I forgot how to be happy because I'm busy making people around me happy. Thanks anyway, you both taught me how to shut my feelings down and keep it for myself. I'm happy for your divorcee, because you both were happier that way. Lets just forget about your lil girl, I've grown enough to let you go.

One thing that made me laugh back then was when you took me to the whatsocalled, spesialis bawah sadar? 0_o you said you want him to 'open' my true feeling because for you, I was just too quiet for a broken-home girl. Ha-ha-ha. You really need to make up your mind, who's fault was this? How could I express what I truly felt at that time when you both were too busy drown in your own feeling in front of me?
You said that you are afraid if I had any untold anger, untold sadness, that buried deep down in my heart, screw that. I'm good, lets just consider your daughter as a most patient one. Am I being too strong or what? Dont be afraid mom, its just me :p Ha-ha

Nevertheless, I'm still glad to have you both. Thou daddy alrd has a new family but he doesnt forget me. Mommy seems excited to find a new one either, I'm sorry mom, your man have to come toward me. Whops! I'm not saying 'over my dead body' anw :p

Haha I really dont want love to destroy me, like it has done to my family~

N♥

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

gain friends, gain haters.

back then, I opened my formspring and found some questions that seemed a bit filled of hatred :p dunno, perhaps it was my friend tried to joke on me or what. I answered that, but with so-so words. then I changed some rules and then those kind of quests dont exist anymore.

it got me reminiscing those times eheh

yea, the time while I was still a student in Jogja. well, Jogja is such a small place! I mean, if you go somewhere at Jogja the probability of seeing people you know is sooo big. when I was still a student, I suffered this. why I said so? because walking along with ppl's eyes staring on you wasnt relaxing. I didnt notice this, my friends did. in fact, they got themselves used to it already whenever they hang out with me. and it wasnt surprising when somebody talked to you said 'hi' but you didnt know who the hell he/she is. this thing, probably, caused by social networks. yeah, we make friends with them only knowing their names/nicks then when we meet in the real world, we feel strange. yeah I've thru that time. a lot. uhuk

what I noticed was people seemed to talk about certain person. and the circle between these 'certain person' made we seemed like we know each other tho we actually dont. if one people has a lot of friends and theyre everywhere, the others call that people 'eksis' (exist seems not suitable enough so I'll keep it in bahasa). as what I saw, having a lot of friends also has a negative side. people around will start to notice you, they will know you, they will watch your steps, they would love to talk about you. I'm not exaggerating this but its quite true. gain friends, gain haters.

funny thing was, I once had a cold war with my friend outside the school. I actually didnt know much about the problem itself, but then I found out some people outside me&my used-to friend even know the problem better than I did ._. when I asked them, they said they knew it somewhere from their friends discussion. haha. I laughed, a lot. they brought some facts I didnt even know. uuuu -_-

these are why I'm saying Jogja is a small place.



N♥

Monday, February 21, 2011




just got this cute pic from blogwalking, uuu how cute eh? c-u-t-e :p

p.s : you are probably giggling while reading this. or, smirking perhaps. muah :-*

N♥

I want

I want white sand, tidal wave, coral, and a sunset
I want cash, apparel's shop, boutique, and brands.
I want fog, tent, mountain, and sunrise.
I want grill, fireworks, stars, and night sky.
I want a cuddle under a blanket, windy night, low light, and heartbeat.
I want a a bright night, sneakers, mixer, and cool band.
I want cafe, cake, coffee, and board games.
I want a ride, snack, camera, and city.
I want passport, ticket, rucksack, and new places.
I want my friends.
I want my boyfriend.

N♥

Sunday, February 20, 2011

mesmerizing

a view upon my 3rd floor room's door

One of the things I love the most from UI is the trees. Its big, its relaxing, its everywhere. and it turns to brownish-red. I love the color, makes you feel like living a spring. UI could bo so mesmerizing when it comes to a fluorescent day like this. Not too bright and hot, and not storming. Its windy and bright :>

I wonder if I will ever spend a time like this in here, with you. Haha


N♥

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

randoms

When we gathered, me and my colleges friends, this song was being played :

Yes, I can see her
'cause every girl in here wanna be her
Oh! She's a Diva...
I feel the same,
And I wanna meet her

They say: "She low down..."
It's just a rumour I don't believe 'em!
They say: "She needs to slow down..."
The *baddest* thing around town!

She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before!
Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore!
I'm tryinna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful~

The way, that booty movin' - I can't take no more
Have to stop what I'm doin', so I can pull up her close
I'm tryinna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful

Damn Girl!!!

Damn, you're a sexy bitch, sexy bitch!
Damn, you're a sexy bitch!


and one of my friend yelled at me said 'hey this song is sooo you!'
at first I was floated :">
but then I realized, which part? the 'bitch' part only? screw then =___=

N♥

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

beware you girls!



:3

:p


N♥

Four!

FOUR NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU:
Nara | Medina | Dina | Medun

FOUR MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE:
9ags | 27juli | 4jan | 13feb

FOUR THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES:
Tweeting | Texting | Blogging | Laughing

FOUR WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
Hang out | Music-ing | Be with superfriends | Be with him♥

FOUR PEOPLE YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST:
Uzan | Opa | Opa | Opa :"(

FOUR GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE :
Koke dibungkus dipitain dikirim ke Depok | Huge dolls :D | Handmade | KITTENSSS

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES (CURRENTLY):
Blogging | Tumblring | Texting | Calling

FOUR PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION:
Europe | Asia | America | Africa ;p

FOUR FAVORITE DRINKS:
Air Putih | Coffe | Avocado Juice | Hot Chocolate

FOUR THINGS ALWAYS FOUND IN YOUR BAG:
Handphone | Wallet | Keys | Brush

FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
Black | Grey | Blue | Purple

TOP FOUR HANGOUTS:
Cafe | Dunkin | MTA | PIM *ahzeg anak gawl

TOP FOUR U LOVE SO MUCH:
Dadsky | Momsky | Ale | Rizky

TOP FOUR ASIAN ACTORS:
KIM BUM | CHO KYUHYUN | JAY CHOU | KIMURA TAKUYA

FOUR "THINGS" SPECIAL TO YOU:
Kaos yg takciak dr koke hahak | These photographs ;p | An email ;p | These pamflets

FOUR FAVOURITE "UNUSUAL" SONGS:
Wonderwall - Oasis | Straitjacket Feeling - AAR | If You're Not The One - Daniel B | Kiss From A Rose - Seal

FOUR EVENTS YOU WILL NEVER FORGET:
Think Act Change! | PK | PPI | TT

FOUR THINGS YOU OFTEN DID WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
Menghilang | Berenang sama opa :( | Sepedaan | Maen masak2an

TOP FOUR WHO YOU WANT TO ANSWER THIS SURVEY:
Rizky | Hani | Febrianto | Tersayang :D *gombal*

TOP FOUR REASONS WHY YOU ANSWERED THIS SURVEY:
Have | Nothing | To | Do

N♥

Monday, February 14, 2011

worth the suffer

kalo orang itu bisa bikin kita bahagia banget, maka dia juga bakal bisa bikin kita ngerasa mau mati saking sedihnya, entah disengaja atau engga. vice versa. the more a ppl worths, the more we have to suffer for that ppl. simpelnya, apa yg lo beri adalah apa yg lo dapet, gue yakin banget sama ini. life is fair in its way.

cuma, jeleknya manusia, kadang kalo udah pait, hal itu dilepeh. padahal kan hidup itu kaya roda, kadang diatas kadang dibawah.

love is a cycle, too. we meet, we fall, we love, we're happy, we fight, we cry, but then if we're with the right one for us, we always fall in love again. its only the matter of time, and how much we could hold onto each other.

kalo kata MonkToMill

Mereka yang kita sayangi yang paling mampu melukai.

bagi gue ini bukan sesuatu yang ironis. ini adalah sesuatu yang wajar. gak ada sesuatu yang gratis di dunia ini, both literally and figuratively. lo pikir udara gratis? nope. bagi gue, kompensasi atas udara adalah lo harus ngejaga tumbuhan-tumbuhan hijau dan aspek-aspek lain yang berkaitan sm udara. as if happiness, the more you get the more you suffer. trust me, some pains are worth your happiness.

waktu gue nulis ini, jujur gue lagi ngga enak hubungannya sama si aak (hahak aak) jadi ya gue kepikiran aja, belom pernah gue sedesperate ini dan kayaknya emang belom pernah kita cold selama ini. pasti ada waktu dimana gue pengen give up aja, pasti ada, gue yakin dia juga, entah give up disini means break up or dont give a damn anymore. but then I reminisce all those feelings that once floated me high, I wont lose em. and those reasons why we are here now, make all the fights seem like a stuff. it will change some things, but it wont change the whole.

sama kaya kalo gue capek bgt sama kuliah dan pengen tidur seharian aja di kamar, gue terus mikir gimana dulu gue kelas 3, pontang panting ngejar materi sosial (yagajuga sih sebenernya, ttp aja sante hahak) dan perjuangan gue buat lulus secara jujur (yomaaan) gue susah dapet UI, harusnya gue bersyukur, banyak banget yg kuliahnya di tempat yg ga mereka pengenin, tapi gue? langsung dapet di seleksi pertama. kurang beruntung apa sih?

setiap gue kepikiran itu semua, gue jd semangat mandi dan kemudian berangkat kuliah. like I should do right now, kelas dimulai 13 menit lagey :p okay then have a blasted valentine's day ppl! mooach


anw, I hope you're thinking that way either ._. dont give up on this bitch baby ;p

N♥

Sunday, February 13, 2011

We are young, we run free, stay up late, we don’t sleep. Got our friends, got the night, we’ll be alright~

N♥

ikhlas

tolong ajarin aku buat jadi ikhlas.

iya, ikhlas. terkadang, aku masih ngarep timbal balik dalam ngelakuin sesuatu. bukan timbal balik secara literal, kadang aku berharap terlalu banyak. sedangkan jika ikhlas seharusnya aku gak mengharapkan apa-apa.

aku sering ngrasain sakit karena kecewa, tapi setiap kekecewaan itu nuntun aku ke arah dimana aku ditampar sama satu kata : ikhlas. kenapa aku harus kecewa? niatnya tu aku ngasih apa nerima? kalo emang kita ikhlas ngasihnya, harusnya kita gak usah kecewa kalo gak ada yang kita terima, bahkan ucapan terima kasih sekalipun. tujuan kita ngasih kan? then when we did it, its done! beda kalo kita ngasih sesuatu dibarengin sama harapan buat dapet sesuatu, itu namanya gak ikhlas.

I know, sometimes, we cant help ourselves for being disappointed. I personally think its normal. No, its not right, but its humane. Disappointment is a thing we sometimes cudnt stand on this, I cried over some disappointments. Yeah I did, it hurt like hell, but then I cant help myself for wishing. Wondering. Hoping.

Like I just did. My friend who heard me crying said "kalo ikhlas ngapain dipermasalahin? mau digimanain kalo ikhlas yaudah, gausah ngarepin balesannya gimana." (ecie katakatamu masuk blogku! :p) I got slapped. No, I even almost get killed. yaampun, bantuin dong biar bisa ikhlas U,U

I said to myself hundred times 'aku ikhlas aku ikhlas aku ikhlas' but it wasnt enough

aku ikhlas pol mentok 101% kalo ngelakuin sesuatu. tapi kenapa aku masih kecewa juga?
mungkin selama ini aku belum ikhlas, mungkin cuma sampe di tahap yang namanya tulus. beda kan ya tulus sama ikhlas. beda gak sih? =____= its like, I made this bcs I love you, thats sincere. I sincerely love you. but then I got disappointed bcs it wasnt going the way I've expected. there. the word. expect. its not a sincerity eh?

so, if we want someone to love us back, its not a sincere love?

Dan jika memang 'cinta dalam diammu' itu tak memiliki kesempatan untuk berbicara di dunia nyata, biarkan ia tetap diam.
Jika dia memang bukan milikmu, toh Allah, melalui waktu akan menghapus 'cinta dalam diammu' itu dengan memberi rasa yang lebih indah dan orang yang tepat.
Biarkan 'cinta dalam diammu' itu menjadi memori tersendiri dan sudut hatimu menjadi rahasia antara kau dengan Sang Pemilik hatimu, hanya antara kau dan Dia.


those, are words.

N♥

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

happy 9, sugar.
I'd love to say happy 9 than somewhat anniversary, because no need to count how much we've been thru.
I love you.

N♥

trust

Trust |trəst|

noun

1 firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something

acceptance of the truth of a statement without evidence or investigation

the state of being responsible for someone or something

poetic/literary a person or duty for which one has responsibility

poetic/literary a hope or expectation


verb [ trans. ]

1 believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of

( trust someone with) allow someone to have, use, or look after (someone or something of importance or value) with confidence

( trust someone/something to) commit (someone or something) to the safekeeping of

[with clause ] have confidence; hope (used as a polite formula in conversation)

[ intrans. ] have faith or confidence

[ intrans. ] ( trust to) place reliance on (luck, fate, or something else over which one has little control)


Trust.


I dont know why I want to write about trust. Perhaps, in recent, I've heard so much about it.


Trust is earned, not asked. You may ask for a trust, you may hear people give you their trust, but after all its your act that matters. We cant say 'I'll give you my trust' easily, because it turns out trust is something that builded. Trust is something grown. First, a willing to trust someone. Next, the fact. I mean, if we decide we're gonna trust a person, we'll see how that person does eh? We will start evaluating. We will see if that person is trustable or not. We will do these, thou we dont mean to. Thou we dont realize. Too much disappointment will lead us into a broken trust. Once a trust is broken, its so hard to mend all the pieces.


What's the point of begging a trust if we dont act like we're trustable?


Sometimes, it doesnt matter how much we want to trust someone. It doesnt matter how much we try to trust someone.

Its all back to the self;

Are we trustable enough to be trusted?

Look at what we've done, then we will find the answer.


N♥

Sunday, February 6, 2011

sugar..

This morning I saw someone’s tweet

“sangat tidak mungkin ada cowok lagi main game trus ngepause cuma buat bales sms”

Then I remembered something back there (I don’t know if you remember it too:p) when you were about to play game, dota if I’m not mistaken, I texted you and asked you to enjoy the game and text me when its done. What shocked me was... You refused it and said you could handle both.

Lately you’ve been wondering do you ever make me happy. You said that forgive me, I’m not compatible enough for a chat, I couldn’t find the words to cheer you, I don’t even know how, and blablabla.

The point is, honestly... Sugar, you don’t have to try to make me happy. Those simple things, like I’ve just remembered this morning, they make me happy already. You don’t have to think what should you do in order to cheer me or somewhat, just be yourself. Just be what we used to be, talked about anything, shared stories, teased each other.. I don’t need wise words from you whenever I got problems, I still could use my own ;p I need you, yourself, the way you used to do with me. I need laughter, I need smile, which I could always find whenever I’m with you.

Sugar, I’m in love with our simple conversation. Let me tell you this, before we’re tied, whenever I got problems and my head got stuck somewhere, I could forget it whenever you said hello to me (uhuk) means, you are my perfect distraction.

Don’t try anything you’re not sugar, just be you. It hurts when you said sorry, and sometimes I get so upset and it leads to anger because of it. That’s because when you don’t know what to do, you choose to be quiet eh? :p what hurts is when I need you, I don’t feel you. Sugar, all I need is just a place to lean on. A shoulders, you know how much I love your shoulders :3 but aside, a presence is the most. I need to feel that you’re always there for me, it pleases me already. I don’t know if I’m being selfish or what, but please stay sugar. Stay, whenever I yell and ask you to go. Stay, although my words are annoying and hurting. Stay, although you don’t know what to say. Please stay, sugar. This one I’m begging you ;)

Stay, and just be yourself. Make me forget if I have problems. Make me forget about my grumble. Drown me in to you, like you always do without you even realize.

If you ask me “Do I ever make you happy?”; I’ll say “You’re my biggest happiness.”

I love you, sugar J

P.S : bite!bite!bite!bite!bite!graaawr :p

N♥

Saturday, February 5, 2011

2nd period

yellow! its been a while since I posted something from Unica :3 6 amazing weeks at Jogja were over and its time for me to study again. 2nd period will be held two days forward. anyway, my 1st period's IP wasnt as bad as I have expected. mine is 3,57 :3 and I got 3 A- :3 haha I failed one subject tho, nevermind la~ :p
yeah at first I was expecting my IP to be at least 3, my 1st period was a mess. I've drown in PK (and laziness) so I skipped a lot of classes and did gossiping during the class --" my bad, I'm sorry. now, I have a target :
2nd period will be mine >:)
haha yeah it will be, its going to be, it has to be! I want to graduate from UI with a cumlaude mark! ...................................well I dont know if its just too much for me or somewhat, but I want to be called as a cumlaude graduated student at the graduation ceremony and those new students yell and clap their hands for me (okay now this sounds too much)

they say, MPK B, a subject for my 2nd period will contain basic math and basic physic. what a joke eh? ha-ha-ha -_____________________- its gonna be fun then *crossfingers*
the best part is.. fonfol was over HAHAHA but I have morfologi sintaksis for 2nd period. mam luci told me back then if morfologi sintaksis will be easier than fonfol, but I doubt mam lucy's degree of hard-and-easy =__=

fyi, my schedule for 2nd period IS SUCH A TOTAL MESS!!! moreover if I compare it with 1st one, geeeeez I'm not sure I could have time to go back to Jogja outside the main holiday U,U its hard to leave Jogja back then...but I wont talk about it at this post, that one deserves a single post ;p

new classmate, new schedule, new spirit, I'm sooooo into 2nd period >:3

N♥