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Thursday, January 27, 2011

wants

I asked, can you? you yessed, and asked me back, can I?
I took a glance and said yea, I can, because I want to, means I can.

yea, I want it. I want to hold on. I want to make it. if you ask me why I want to do this LDR, I dont know. all I know is, I want you. I want to be with you. I want to face those things called distances and any other shits with you. sometimes I do wonder, whats our aim, I mean, till when do we have to deal this, but, future is something we shouldnt be worried about, its something encourages us to strive. you wanna be happy? I do, I wanna be happy, I want this to work, then lets try :3

but honey, I get scared sometimes, like I do now. I know I wont be home too often like I just did, once a month :( I'm scared.. if I could handle myself from missing you. it sounds too dangdut but its true uhuhuh. plus, we spent these days together, I already get used to wake up, planning what will we do today, breakfast, shower, then drive to your house. aaaaaa blublublup =____= the thought of those days forward at jekardah makes me misses you already :(
hyperbole eh? hahahahadunno ._.

I do hope its a hyperbole so that missing you further wont be that torturing.

p.s : hey cute stalker, I guess you will read this tho idk when lalala dont say I'm not telling you this, told cha alrd somewhere back there weeeeeeek :----p kisseshugspokes ;)



N♥

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

am I wrong to feel this?

am I being selfish for want you whenever I get upset and down?
am I being selfish for need you whenever I get so pissed and bitched?
am I being selfish to feel disappointed whenever you're not there?

at back there, at my previous status, I am the girl who easily back up and be fine without a hand from anyone. yeah, always fine. I mean, my bestf were always there, but it wasnt a dependance.
but now, I just couldnt do it easily. am I being weak or somewhat in a dependance of you? I know its not good, trust me I've tried so hard not to lean on you, because I know you cant always be there for me. looks like you're the type of a guy who doesnt really give a damn about things that outside your box, or its like "gamau ribet". I just have to stop being selfish and begin to deal with my own things. my own life.

but why it feels so damn hard? you know, I do really mean it when I told you about half. I just wonder if... ngg :|

I dont know if its right or wrong, I just dont know. all I know, this one that we have should strengthen, not weaken.
okay, chin up, its only a matter of time.

anw, am I wrong for tearing while typing this?

N♥

Friday, January 7, 2011

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

hey dear

kenapa aku ngerasa kalo kamu terlalu baik buat aku?
yeah, I do feel that. I dont know how many times those apologizes were coming from my mouth, and I dont know neither how many times you've lowered down your ego to forgive me.
I'm just hoping for a better times ahead.
I'm sorry.

but it makes me wonder either, if I couldnt change, will you still sit beside me? will you still love me? or.... will you leave me?
please dont.

N♥

Monday, January 3, 2011

2011

I'm welcoming 2011! \(*u*)/
Hello new year, hello new chapter, hello new story
I'm ready ;)

N

2010

2010 was a crucial year for me. Here, I was facing my senior high final examination. Moreover, I was dealing with college's entry test, too. As you know I'm so in love with the University of Indonesia. I got accepted, but quite went out from target, actually, from communication to english literature but now I have no regret at all :)
At first I didnt seriously think about the moving part. Means, all I wanted was to leave Jogja but I didnt think about those who are being left by me. Here, in 2010, I had to walk in different path with my bestfriend. Iza at STAN, Maman Karin at UGM, Thyta at UNY, and else. Geez it was hard :') but it turned out we didnt lose contact and we still meet each other for like once a month/two month. We still text and call and share everything to each other. Okay perhaps not all of us, but yeaah :'''p
There, at UI, I found my new family. English Literature's are just awesome! They help me thru my days at Depok and sure they make my adaptation going easier. I'm gonna be with them for at least 4 years so I'm so thankful for having sucha great great friends :D It looks like I'm gonna continuing my theatre at Tesas but I still have no idea :o My first mark will be out from tomorrow soooo wish me luck :'''3
In 2010, I met him. No, literally I met him somewhere between September 2009. Then we are officially tied at 09082010. I have no idea when actually I start to fall for him, all I know it grows clearer and stronger when I was about to leave Jogja. He didnt ask me even till I left, so at that time I was leaving Jogja with the thought 'let him go'. I was leaving at 08.00 by train, he was there but didnt say a thing. But then he asked me with... I wont tell you how hahah it was my birthday anyway. We are tied after we separated. How cruel, eh? He is so cruel, I mean this :p We're not a perfect couple. We have distances and limited time together. We fight, we argue, we mad, we hurt. A good relationship doesnt always free from fight, but it is when your partner worth the fight :)

Too much hellos&goodbyes at 2010, and thank God for some who stay :D

dear 2010, thanks for all the lessons, but now I have a new chapter to face ;)

N♥