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Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 is a BITCH

▼well this year has been sucha bitch.

well, started from a failed new year celebration because my ex (at that time, my boyf) was mad at me I have guessed that this year will end badly. its not that I have such a bad ending for 2011, its whats ended at this year that irritates me most.

I had my first broken heart this year.

Well, its not that bad. its not that screwed as I imagined before, but it hurt. after 14 months we finally broke up. what I saw was the most hurtful phase from a break up was not the post-break up (well, for me) but the time when it came the the break up. the fights. the tears. the strives. the dilemmas. the screwed mind. the time when I had to choose whether to give up or trying harder. then I gave up. I gave us up. I walked away. but thanks, for giving me chances to try, I walked away with no hard feeling now knowing that at least I had tried :-)

Actually there are others 'I had my first' time this year, the sweet ones, that I got from my ex. like the first time a boy cried for me :p the first time we had a vacation to another city together, the first time I slept with my boyfie (literally, sleeping. dont misunderstand this sentence -_-) the first time I let someone walked in, the first time I had a one year relationship. well, thankyou for those sweet moments :-)

Move on to another facts. Hmm.

I am paying my own life rite now.

Yeaaah its been months since my parents gave me money to live. I have started to work my ass off. and it feels awesome to have your own money for living. Alhamdulillah :'D

Boys come and go, I havent got the intention for settling down again. but I dont say I am not enjoying this  pattern uhuk skip skip skip hahaha!

Well, I'm in love with my colleagues. they are just awesome. awesomely awesome. we had two big events this year, and I was the conceptor for both -_- but it turned awesome! yeaah awesome college is awesome :P

Anyway, winning iPhone could be one of my highlight in 2011 :P

2011 has given me too much lessons. also a lot of hellos and goodbyes. I thank them who stay :--)

Screw. I dont have much to say hahahaha yeaaaah I have been starring at my laptop but I just dont know what to type! well whatever. blah. looks like I'm gonna continue watching HMIYM this whole night :9

Bye 2011. You are such a bitch :3 Thanks for the lessons! Now I have another chapter to face :D▲


Monday, November 21, 2011

Best men of mine

▼Sometimes, we just forget what we have got in our hands because we're too busy falling for them who were leaving us.

So it was one night when I changed my profile picture in FB. I used mini dress. for me, it wasnt that mini cz maybe I am getting used of those kind of clothes, have seen worse hahaha but nevertheless, I changed it then I didnt check my FB anymore. hours later, I opened a notification from FB which stated

"Muhammad Iqbal Jayadi posted on your Wall."

And I saw him posted a meme from 9gag which was bursting. I commented on that photo said 'kamu ngapain sik bal ._.' and he answered 'baru nyadar sama profpicmu. ganti ah' then he y!m-ed me and said stuffs, but then I quoted him 

'oke aku seneng liat cewe pake gitu, tapi jangan temenku -__-'

I was like, geez, I have this bestfriend.

Then at the same time I was on skype with Maman. I talked to him 'ndut masa iqbal nyuruh aku ganti profpic emang profpicku gitu banget ya hmm' he suddenly said

'na ganti deh fotomu. aduuuh. aku takut e. aku takut kamu kenapa-kenapa. bukannya aku ga percaya kamu ga bisa jaga diri. cuma aku beneran takut kamu kenapa-kenapa. udah gausah kerja kaya gitu lagi. udah besok liburan pulang aja ke jogja, gausah kerja disana. aku beneran takut kamu kenapa-kenapa.'


Then, I also have Fidi on bbm. you know how easy bbm makes us to communicate is, right? before this we usually talked at y!m, he is that kind of friends you see in the most impossible time. once I called him in the middle of the night, about 1 am, since my mind is so screwed I could not sleep without talking to anyone :|

Adhya includes! haha he is annoyingly loveable :* and he is a nocturnal either, so I could chat with in such an impossible time like at shubuh or somewhat -___- at Jogja, he also accompanies me just to eat and wifi-ing somewhere. when he says 'I'm happy, I hope you are happy too so we could be happy together' :''''''''''''' I'm praying for you, dhya! fighting!! :P

And its not fair if I dont talk about Bonci. usually, he looks into my face and just sits there beside me and asking 'jadi gimana miiiiiih' then I talk. he also accompanies me almost everywhere. when I get lonely at friday night, when I want to watch movies, when I have an interview, he is there for me, along with Caca, yeah we are like three hottest single people on FIB B"> whenever I want to skip class, he always says 'udah mimi jangan bolos lagi ya jangan skip kelas lagi yak' then it reminds me of my presence since we are taking the same classes this period -_-

I still have another best men of my life, like Iza who loves to give me surprise like a random text 'hai medina lagi apa kamu gimana kuliahnya?' in the middle of a hot day in Depok .__. Abbi, who notices if I update something sad and usually bbm me 'naya kenapaaaaa :3' or Galih who is ready to give me brutal shots of truth :''''''''''' also, there goes Firman who usually accompanies me eating at Kutek. whenever I dont want to eat alone, there goes a PING!!! and 'man temenin gue makan yuk' and so many I cant mention one by one.

Its just, just because one person has left, doesnt mean another will. They stick, they are my best best bestfriend. They are my best men in the whole dang stupid world. who accept. who listen. who care. the most important, who stay eventho they know I'm sucha sarcastic egocentric selfish bitch. Men arent all jerk, they prove it, I love them <3▲


Tuesday, November 15, 2011


▼I want to blog

I dont know what I want to write here, but it feels like blogging tonite. lets just talk about my present, eh?

Hufffft hahahaha *belom belom udah sesek* *biasa ajasih*

As you know, I've been single for almost one months. sounds like it is. these months are just fab, I'm telling you. doesnt mean I dont cherish those taken months, but I would never knew if single would feel this DANG GOOD meheheh :B

I am just being back to the old me, yeah more or less. I spent two years in our circle, so now? it does smell different. thanks God it is freaking good :'''3

I have no intention to know anything about you, tho. I mean it when I say I owe you an apology, but right na I havent put up with that yet. dont intend to do that either, so, yeaaah~ f you hahahaha >:p

I am loving myself. and it feels awesome :-)


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

As if by magic~

Emerging from my world
Imagine living in a box
And I won't come out
Until I've broken all the locks
Slurring all my words
Until something sticks
But in this smoky universe
My mind keeps playing tricks

And although, you're the only home I know
As if by magic, thoughts of you are gone
And now, I'm keeping my head in the clouds
And it's not so tragic if I don't look down

Submerging from your world
And back into my bliss
A day rolled into one
Is burning on my lips
Blurring all your words
Until they don't exist
And in a parallel universe
It's me you can't resist

And although, you're the only home I'd ever know
As if by magic, thoughts of you are gone
And now, I'm keeping my head in the clouds
And it's not so tragic if I don't look down~


Monday, October 31, 2011

selamat datang, fajar

▼Gelapmu sudah kunanti dari saat senja menyapa. eh, tunggu, itu dulu, gelapmu selalu kunanti sehingga aku akan cepat bertemu lagi dengan sang senja. sehingga waktu akan berputar lebih cepat. sehingga kami akan bertemu lebih cepat. sehingga beban rindu di hati tidak lagi mengikat.

Sekarang aku takut ketika kau datang, bersama udara dingin dan tenggelamnya matahari. semuanya akan selalu terasa lebih berat disaat penghujung hari. memori tentang semuanya akan selalu terulang. bagaimana senyum itu terukir, lalu akan terus berjalan ke bagaimana air mata itu jatuh.

Bagaimana semuanya menghilang dari genggaman, menghilang dari pandangan, lalu menghilang dari jangkauan.

Fajar, kau selalu memberikan sebuah arti. dulu aku menunggumu karna kau selalu datang bersama sebuah sapaan manis. lalu kau selalu datang dengan sebuah kata cinta. lalu kau selalu datang dengan ungkapan rindu. lalu kau selalu datang dengan deru motor di depan rumah. dan kau akan berakhir dengan deru yang sama dikala Senja. Meninggalkanku bermimpi indah untuk bertemu lagi dengan Fajar yang baru.

Sekarang kau datang dengan kecemasan, akankah semua berjalan baik-baik saja? ataukah tidak? akankah semua akan berlanjut, ataukah berhenti sampai disini?

Dan ternyata semua itu terhenti.

Tuhan selalu punya cara untuk menunjukkan bahwa hanya Ia yang Maha Menentukan, tak perduli seberapa besar manusia berusaha. Mubram dan Muallaq, dua hal yang memaksakan kepercayaanku untuk patuh.

Kita bisa berencana, namun pada akhirnya, semua keputusan bukan berada di tangan kita. Tuhan adalah sutradara, dan kita adalah astrada, dimana bisa saja kita yang nampak sibuk mondar mandir sana sini, namun sesungguhnya kita hanya mengikuti apa yang Sutradara perintahkan.

Maka, jangan bermimpi tentang kau bisa mengontrol hidupmu sendiri, Nara. Fajar akan selalu datang, namun membawa aroma yang berbeda.▲


Tuesday, October 25, 2011


▼I looked back to somewhere in the first 2010, when I decided to let go of you.
I looked back to those posts.
You said that us were like a circle; yet life is so much more than have to run in the same circle.

Did you even notice?
That I had been on our circle way much longer than you had.

I pray for things to be different. Last time, you were gone, you were with someone else, I was hurt. I had tried to open my heart to someone else who was, no, is, waaay much nicer than you (right, Tita? I bet you agree :p) but you came, again, then you had me, again.

This time, I dont know if you are with someone else alrd or not (no matter what, I still hate you both :)) :p) but I pray for things to change. I am tired, I am so tired. I have just realized how tired I am after I became so angry with you.

God has to put mercy on us.
Eh, no.
God has to put mercy on me. Dont care abt y.▲


Saturday, October 22, 2011

To whom I once called mine

▼Dedicated to someone out there, you know its you, tho I'm not sure you're gonna read this or not.

Hey you.

Listen, I'm sorry for the way I acted that morning. I'm sorry for my words. I'm sorry for stepping out from us with anger. I know, you probably thought that this mess I was angry with was my own fault, but nevertheless, you had me reached my limit. I know, there is no single word about the break up. I mean, a clear sentence like 'we're done' or somewhat. but I know if we both knew, that was the time when everything finally ended. 

But everything I have said to you, you may forget it, or you may remember that as your point of view about me, I dont really care. right now, I dont care if you do or you dont. I dont want to remember you as yourself these two months, I want to remember you as one year we had back then. as if we were once happy, I will remember you as you were, now as what you are right now. I have chosen to be like this. its easier to forget you with angers, since you knew I loved you so. deep down I'm sure I still beat for you, tho its nearly gone. 

As I see our old memories, I dont feel those pains in my chest anymore. plain, as I never expected before. also, I dont remember you anymore whenever I see things that reminded me of you before. I'm not sure I am happy with this situation, because I cant remember that happy feeling you gave me either. but I can say this, no matter what we have became right now, dont affect the fact that once we had are real. 

No matter how fast I have got over you, doesnt mean once I had for you wasnt real. 
I'm sure its either way with you.

We both are just damn good at adapting, at dealing with our thoughts. the fact is, I felt plain already when we havent broken up yet, those times when I was holding on. no matter how hard I suggested myself 'I love you, I can make us work, we can work' its just, my brain walks in a different way. I know I told you those cheesy lines, but, in fact, I started to prepare myself for a break up. that was when I realized, I'm so not the type of person. I just had to realize it myself. so, I'm sorry for being blinded by my childish fears these months. ehe. could have made this easier for both of us tho I didnt regret it :p

Thanks anyway. thanks for everything you gave to me. thanks, for crying over me for the first time (I swear boy cant forget the 1st girl he cries for :P) thanks for everything, I mean this. thanks for your shoulders, thanks for your hug. thanks for being there. thanks for trying. thanks for those chances. I'm sorry I couldnt be the way you expected me to be. I'm sorry for being sucha pain in the ass. I'm sorry for being sooo awesome that you had fallen for me :p

I wish we could be just fine, the next time we meet or communicating. I wish we could be cool. 

But I am so sorry, if I was the one who made us awkward. ehe

Someday, when we both are mature enough to understand about what always happens; life, lets just play together :D going somewhere, have fun, talk about our future lovelife with whoever we end up with, laugh about our stories, and burn that freaky village near the pss stadion where we almost get beaten up :P

Once again. I'm sorry, and thankyou :-)

Take care, and be good Rizky Hani Febrianto :-)▲


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Are you happy without me?
Cz I’m happy without you
You don’t have to feel sorry
Cz I’m happy without you
For all the things we’ve done
For all the things we’ve runaway
You don’t have to feel sorry

I’m not sure if I’m still hoping
But one for sure there’s no sad feeling
Maybe I must admit that I’m happy being alone

Happy Monday.
Happy Tuesday. Happy Wednesday
Everyday is happy day, 
Everyday is something else to face


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Olo Lupita Mayangsari Putri ;)

Joyeux Anniversaire a 20 ans, Lupita Mayangsari Putri!

Aku gatau musti ngomong apa, sumpah, aku gatau kudu ngomong apa lagi buat ndeskripsiin betapa senengnya aku punya sahabat kayak kamu. Aku juga ga ngerti lagi gimana harus ngejelasin betapa beruntungnya aku punya kamu.

Maaf, kalo setelah jauh mungkin kita jadi jarang kontakan. Tapi, satu hal yang aku janjiin, kita bakal selalu deket. Ga peduli mau pisah berapa lama, ga peduli mau lost contact seberapa sering, kamu kamu harus tau, kapanpun kamu butuh aku, aku bakal usaha sekuat aku buat ada. Jika itu lewat telfon. Sms. Kamu punya aku ya disini ;) Jadi, hapus 2ne1-Lonely dari mindtrack kamu, youre not lonely kok, you have mehsss :*

Be strong ya. Aku tau gimana beratnya hidup buat kita berdua #ngemutkapur ;-;


Terima kasih, untuk telah menjadi sahabat terbaik yang anyone could only dream of :-)

Once again, Happy Birthday Brimob :"


Tita Tita Saranghae! 
Love, Nara ;-)

p.s : kyuhyun titip salam :*


Saturday, October 8, 2011

Just like a tattoo

The four-leaf clover is an uncommon variation of the common, three-leaved clover. According to tradition, such leaves bring good luck to their finders, especially if found accidentally. According to legend, each leaf represents something: the first is for faith, the second is for hope, the third is for love, and the fourth is for luck.

Faith is trust, hope and belief in the goodness, trustworthiness or reliability of a person, concept or entity.

Indeed, those are tattoes :P▲


Tuesday, October 4, 2011


Sunday, October 2, 2011

Details in the fabric

Calm down

Deep breaths
Get yourself dressed
Instead of running around
And pulling on your threads
And breaking yourself up
If it’s a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm, then brace it
If it’s a broken heart, then face it
And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
And everything will be fine
Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I’m doing everything
Are the details in the fabric?
Are there things that make you panic?
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?
Are there things that make you blow?
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you’re shocked it’s just the fault of faulty manufacturing
And everything will be fine
Everything, in no time at all
Hearts will hold


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Who was the last person you held hands with?

Are you loud, outgoing, or shy?
depends on the mood
Who are you looking forward to seeing?
Are you easy to get along with?
yea, but sorry I am a picky
Have you ever given up on someone, but then gone back to him or her?
haha well stupidly done~
If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
depends on his mood
Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
I'm taken now
Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
guess who
Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
What does your most recent text say?
havent checked moi phone and not planning to. kinda new habit. ha. guess why.
How do you feel about abortion?
as long as the baby havent had a soul, quite okay
Do you like big crowds of people?
depends on what kind of people
Do you believe in luck and miracles?
Nothing is impossible, I suppose :p
What good thing happened this summer?
a memory
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
only if he's willing to
Do you think there is life on other planets?
never put much thought abt it, but why not?
Do you still talk to your first crush?
who's my 1st crush? :|
Do you like bubble baths?
yeaaa :3
Do you like your neighbors?
I'm not socializing much
What are your bad habits?
too much thinking
Where would you like to travel?
Do you have trust issues?
hehe yeappy
Favorite part of your daily routine?
when I feel loved -galau eaa?
What body part are you most uncomfortable with?
What do you do when you wake up?
checking phone 
Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
Who are you most comfortable around?
ppl who love me
Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
I dont have any ex, and not planning to have one. seriously.
Do you ever want to get married?
Is your hair long enough for a ponytail?
Which celebrities would you like having a threesome with?
kyuhyun? :P
Spell your name with your chin.
whats next?
Do you play sports?
I love basketball #justsaying
Would you rather live without TV or music?
TV. I'm living without it alrd anw
Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
What do you say during awkward silences?
I dislike this situation
Do you think age matters in relationships?
What are your favorite stores to shop in?
I barely shop
What do you want to do after high school?
get into a perfect college. already did btw
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
changing is hard #justsaying
If you’re being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
I'm controlling myself
Do you smile at strangers?
Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
Do you want a roommate?
What are you paranoid about?
goodbyes #tuhkangalau
What was the meanest thing someone ever said to you?
youre not good enough
The nicest thing?
you are amazing
Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about?
oh yes :P
What language do you want to learn?
espanola. french.


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

▼"Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me"


Saturday, September 10, 2011

▼Honestly I'm not so sure if this is going to work.
Honestly I'm not so sure if I can really do it.
I know youre done trying,
but I havent.
Time will tell then which one goes first;
Youre changed (changed, not changing :p)
Or my white flag.
Lets just see.▲


Friday, September 9, 2011

Terima kasih Tuhan

▼Terima kasih Tuhan.

Terima kasih telah memberikan orang tua yang selalu memenuhi apa keinginan dan kebutuhan yang saya punya. terimakasih telah memberikan orang tua yang tidak pernah memaksakan kehendaknya, dan melarang saya dalam mengambil keputusan bahkan jika mereka tahu itu akan berdampak buruk terhadap saya. terima kasih telah memberikan orang tua yang percaya kepada saya sepenuhnya sehingga sekarang saya mengerti arti dari kesalahan-kesalahan dan kebebasan yang terus bertambah seiring umur yang menua. terima kasih telah memberikan orang tua yang membuat saya merasa aman selama ini, karena saya tahu doa mereka selalu mengiringi di setiap langkah yang saya ambil.

Terima kasih telah memberikan sahabat-sahabat yang luar biasa menakjubkan dan memiliki kesabaran tanpa batas untuk menghadapi saya dan persoalan hidup saya yang ada-ada aja. terima kasih telah memberikan bahu terbaik yang bisa dimiliki oleh semua mata yang ingin menangis di dunia dengan bentuk mereka. terima kasih telah menciptakan orang-orang yang menyayangi secara tulus dan menemani disaat tawa maupun luka. terima kasih telah membuat saya menjadi orang yang lebih baik melalui uluran tangan dan saran yang mereka tawarkan dengan lapang. terima kasih atas sahabat-sahabat terbaik ini.

Terima kasih telah memberikan pacar yang terbaik untuk saat ini. ya, saya bukan menjadi seorang pesimis, saya hanya mencoba realistis dengan mengesampingkan semua harapan bertajuk 'segalanya' atau 'selamanya' atau 'selalu'. terima kasih telah memberikan dia dan menunjukkan bahwa kadang ekspektasi itu tidak dikabulkan hanya untuk memberi kita pelajaran tentang konsep saling menerima dan memahai. saya tidak tahu apakah yang akan terjadi pada keesokan harinya, tapi saya tahu apa yang sedang kami jalani sekarang.

Terima kasih telah selalu memberikan jalan untuk saya. terima kasih telah merestui saya sekolah di semua sekolah favorit dan sekolah terbaik yang saya ketahui meskipun saya selalu malas dalam belajar. terima kasih telah mengabulkan semua mimpi-mimpi dan keinginan saya, dan menunjukkan pilihan yang lebih baik ketika mimpi saya meleset. terima kasih atas semua rizki yang telah Tuhan berikan. terima kasih untuk terus berada disana, disaat saya tidak menemukan satu orang pun disisi saya. terima kasih untuk menjadi satu-satunya tempat bergantung yang saya tahu tidak akan pernah berpaling walaupun apapun kesalahan yang telah saya buat.

Terima kasih Tuhan atas segala yang telah Engkau berikan. maafkan jika saya sempat mengkufuri segala nikmat yang telah saya terima kemarin-kemarin, tolong bantu saya untuk ikhlas dan bersyukur atas apapun yang telah Engkau rencanakan untuk saya. dekatkanlah saya pada jalan-Mu, jauhkanlah saya dari siksa-Mu. sesungguhnya Engkau-lah yang paling tahu apa yang paling indah untuk hamba-Mu. Allahuma amin.▲


Thursday, September 8, 2011

edited sketch

▼maybe we're trying. trying too hard.
maybe we're torn apart.
maybe the timing has beating our hearts.
we're empty.▲


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Nothing but blue skies~

So these are the figurines acting out all the scenes before my eyes
I thought I knew them all by name, but they started looking much the same
And it's not a surprise that I don't wanna listen too much~

How can I give up on all the days I know I've won
There's nothing but rainbows, I believe in the shadows
Now honey, thought I might be dropping out. but now I am gonna work it out, I'm gonna work with me
I'm running like an appaloosa, then I'm rolling like a rusty ship on a stormy sea
You know that people are saying strange things~

Talk to the hand 'cause I know you think the face is gone
I don't wanna listen too much~
I'm not gonna give up on all the days I know I've won
There's nothing but blue sky
There's nothing but blue sky~

Nothing's gonna stop me now
I'm skimming like a skipping stone on a silver lake
I'll take it when the chips are down, but to play the perfect happy clown, you've gotta make a mistake

How can I tell you I know this won't be the last song
I don't wanna listen too much
Not gonna give up on all the days that I know I've won

That's where I'm going cause there is nothing, nothing but blue sky
That's where I'm going, nothing but rainbows falling down on me

Can't you see
That's where I'm going
Got to believe me
That's where I'm going
That's where I'm going~▲ 


Monday, August 22, 2011

Quickie thankie :---3

This was the highlight of my day back then. You know what? You gusy are sucha blessings. I love you, soooo much. Physically apart, but forever in the heart right? Lovelovelovessssssss ♥

---------------happy first anniversary anyway R :p---------------------



▼Sometimes I just feel this, I dont understand whats really going on and whether its right or wrong; I tried so hard to understand thru several arguments and moments but I just failed; but neither way I just keep on going because I still want this to goes on.

Sometimes I just feel this. its tiring to be mad for such same reason to a same person; always has been the same; and I feel myself changing inch to inch because of the condition which doesnt change. By means, yeah I'm getting used to, I'm getting numb. Tho actually, the pain stays.

Sometimes I just feel this, its okay to wreck each other's heart because, still, we do have each other's heart. the pain is bearable, than the pain of a goodbyes.

There are just these times, and these feelings.▲


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

"..jangan berharap.."

"apa yang kita lakuin tu jangan berharap dia lakuin kaya kita"

*since the quote is Indonesian, so lets just use Bahasa at this post :P*

kalimat itu membunuh. hahaha okay maafin bahasa yang agak kacau ya (>-<)v biasanya kalo ga pake bahasa hiperbol resmi buat naskah/puisi yaa pake bahasa yang sangat tidak resmi (dan kadang ga senonoh --) jadi yaa, begitulah :p

tapi beneran, aku diem beberapa saat habis ngebaca bbmnya fidi. kalimat itu...... aduh rasanya pengen nge-intersect itu ke otak (p.s: lagi demen banget nonton Chuck nih :">) atau ngga nge-inception. atau ngga dihipnotis deh biar bisa nerapin itu, yang paling realistis dari semua yang takpikir hahaha ._.

"apa yang kita lakuin tu jangan berharap dia lakuin kaya kita"

benerbener harus digarisbawah, dipertebal, digedein

"apa yang kita lakuin tu jangan berharap dia lakuin kaya kita"

oke itu udah mantep. kenapa aku bisa stuck, ehm, terjebak di kalimat itu? hahaha habis rasanya kaya ketampar broooo :/

sebenernya, asal muasal dari harapan yang kita taruh ke orang lain adalah karna kita punya bayangan tentang apa yang akan kita lakuin kalo kita ada di posisinya dia. ribet ya? simpelnya itu, setiap ada sesuatu yang ngelibatin orang lain biasanya kita mikir "kalo gue jadi dia sih gue bakal giniginigini" dan itulah yang bikin kita berharap dia bakal ngelakuin hal yang kita bayangin. orang yang punya pacar cuek secuek bebek juga pasti pernah berharap pacarnya bakal romantis walau udah apal sama sifat pacarnya.

dari kalimat fidi itu, aku jadi mikir kaya tadi, karna aku mikir kaya tadi, aku jadi mikir lagi tentang masalah masalah yang ada di hadepan aku sekarang. kadang aku marah sama pacar, sama sahabat, sama nyokap, sama bokap, karena mereka ga ngelakuin hal yang sama kaya yang ada di bayangan aku.

contoh :

nara                           : sayang aku bete nih masa pulang sendiri jadinya mana nunggunya disini sendirian
pacar (harapan)         : oh yaudah sayang aku kesana yaa nemenin kamu trus nganterin kamu pulang :)
pacar (kenyataan)      : haa kok bisa? sabar ya sayang. aku mau pergi sama temenku nih
nara                           : *ngemut baygon*

*ini contoh hlo ya, contoh*

begitulah contohnya. kadang aku marah (oke. sering.) karna tipikal kejadian kaya gini. apa yang ada di bayangan aku ga sama kaya yang ada di bayangan mereka, dan di kenyataan :') itu yang bikin kecewa. karna kita berharap. gimana caranya supaya ga berharap? gatau. hehe. jujur, aku gatau. mau sugesti sekuat apapun pasti ada sepercik duapercik ngarepnya deh. dan mau sepercik duapercik, rasa kecewanya ya sama aja. endingnya juga sama, marah berantem baikan.

kadang, kita terlalu sibuk sama apa yang ada di pikiran dan perasaan kita, jadi kita ga sempet mikirin perasaan yang lain. pas kita capek, si orang yang kita curhatin itu seharusnya bisa dijadikan sandaran yang tepat setiap saat. padahal, siapa yang tau kalo dia ternyata lagi lebih capek dari kita? cuma karna kita duluan curhat dan gabisa disela, jadi mereka ga sempet ngomong. akibatnya? responnya ga sesuai yang kita harapkan. berantem lagi deeeh.

(p.s : ini bukan cuma masalah perpacaran, tapi juga pertemanan dan persaudaraan)

kita gabisa berharap orang orang buat bersikap seperti kita. ga semua orang pikirannya sama kaya kita. buat sebuah hubungan, apapun jenisnya, ga butuh orang yang pikirannya sama. butuhnya cuma orang yang mau nerima. bisa apa engga itu pasti bisa asal mau :p

kalo mau diperlakuin sama kaya yang kita lakuin ke mereka, pacaran/temenan aja sama dirimu sendiri hahahahahahahahahahaha hahahah hahahahaha hahahaha ha ha ha ha-ha :p

kalo nyelesein masalah misalnya, ada yang pengennya ketemu face to face harus kelar. ada yang lebih suka maki2 pas masih emosi, keluarin semuanya saat itu juga, bahas, trus langsung kelar. ada yang sukanya nunggu tenang yang bener bener tenang dulu baru dibicarain. solusinya? ya harus cari jalan tengah, gimana caranya.

oke, teoriku bagus, aku tau :p tapi prakteknya? 0 besar ahaahahahaha .______. itu kenapa aku nulis di blog, supaya aku bisa baca lagi dan sadar, itu berguna lohh!
saat emosi? luapin. tulis. kalo udah tenang, baca lagi. liat, koreksi, dimana sisi ga dewasa kita. dimana salah kita. dimana salah dia.
saat dapet pencerahan? tulis. baca lagi. bullshit banget kalo orang sekali dibilangin langsung bisa berubah, langsung bisa sadar. susah, susah banget, susah banget untuk berubah. makanya, baca, lagi, terus, biar ngerasuk #cieebahasanyaa

ini sebenernya aku kaya nulis panduan buat diriku sendiri hahaah #pathetic #brbloncatkejurang

dan, terakhir, semoga saja semua hubungan di dunia ini baik-baik saja. say no to galaaau~ #sokide▲


on repeat

I've turned myself away, where we cannot stay, we've struggling each day
many possibilities~
am I hurting you that much?
am I putting you in doubt?
did I treat you so unkind?
do I have to loose you now?
words still work to say, but my feelings never change, in a never ending way
time goes by, pass me by, dont stop, turn around~
time goes by, left behind, dont stop, turn around~
feel alone without you~
If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade.
I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything.
I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?
But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?
Oh, I thought the world of you.
I thought nothing could go wrong,
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.
Listen to me just this once, you should knowIt won’t take much time, it’s all in my mind
I’ve got so many things to say
I don’t know where you come from, what you made from
Something whisper me so good, how could you
Send me a pack of lies
We could make it simple, why you always set me in trouble
I’ve never been so sure, my feeling lack to shows
But you don’t even care I know
You can fill your eyes with tears, wreath your face with smile
Somehow I can’t deny, but I’m trying to let you go
If this is your game, you're the only one who makes the rules
I've tried to play this one
If this is your game, but you never let me find the rules
I'm tired to play this one and I lose myself for nothing
I wonder if you know
Suddenly you changed my mind
I wonder why you go
I can’t believe what we’ve become now
I wonder if you know suddenly you make me drown
I wonder why you go
I’ve only got myself to blame
Always when we fight
I try to make you laugh
Til everything's forgotten
I know you hate that
Always when we fight
I kiss you once or twice
And everything's forgotten
I know you hate that
I love you Sunday song
The week's not yet begun
And everything is quiet
And it's always...
You and me always, and forever
You and me always, and forever
ba ba ba ba da ba, it was always
You and me always
You tell me I'm a real man
and try to look impressed
Not very convincing
But you know I love it
Now we watch TV
Til we fall asleep
Not very exciting
But it's you and me and we'll always be together
You and me always, and forever
It was always you and me always, and forever
It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both
I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
I just don't know
If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way
A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep
Built a wall around my heart
I'll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep
Though we have not hit the ground
Doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains


Monday, July 11, 2011

gamungkin ada yg kaya gini :|


Love without depending

now listening “Make You Feel My Love” by Adele ♫

I have just read a quote and then it got stuck in my head. the whole quote is "Live without pretending, love without depending, hear without defending, say without offending" (....or somewhat like that :p) the part that I love the most is "Love without depending". the fact is I dont know whether I love it or it slapped me since it got stuck in my head without any wynn coming over ;p

Love without depending, what was that? hahaha. no, seriously, I was asking what was that -_- all of a sudden I thought about what kind of love that I have, not just with him, I mean, whats the definition of love that I thought I knew. the right timing was, he forgot to reply my text for about 3 hours when those words still hangin around my clouds. I love him, right? was that an excuse for me to be mad if he didnt contact me as often as we did before? was that an excuse for me to be mad if he couldnt make it when I asked for his help? is that a love or is that a need?

if you love someone, you want to make him happy right? does this known logic make you automatically think that "if he loves me, he should do anything to make me happy. if he is my boyfriend, he is somewhat responsible for my happiness." then whats the point of loving each other if love becomes a burden in something called 'responsibility of happiness"?

I know, I am a crap because I feel that way, too. I mean, I notice how my dependance to him is. I want him to be available for me whenever we are close to each other and not separated, just like a payment for those months separated. and now............. I have a fight with my own self. my logic >< my heart. I mean, this thought makes me realize that he's not responsible for my happiness, it was my myself, from the very first start. like, I was happy before I met him, so I should be happy by myself either eventhough I am his now. but then, my heart says, I deserve his time, eh? I am his girlf, he could have his own world without me needing him physically whenever we are far, whats so wrong about asking for his presence only few months a year?

this fight dizzies me, not to be hyperbol but it does ._. should I make up my mind? should I learn to have that single person's mentality back again eventho I am taken? they said 'dont be in a relationship if you still have one person's mentality' but crap, love without defending? hahahahaha bitter truths' attack!

now listening “Set My World on Fire” by The Feeling ♫ || (do) you wanna be free but not alone (?)

or.... is it about finding someone who wants to be depended on? I'll know sooner or later :'▲


Sunday, July 10, 2011

▼bestfriends kick!▲


Saturday, July 9, 2011


Day 11: Pick one thing you miss (I know there are 19238923842039402394 things) and describe it in detail.

when he came to see me in Jakarta. he picked me somewhere at June when I was finishing my 2nd period ;) that was his first time going somewhere far alone, and his first time going somewhere far by a public transportation. he arrived at 4 am, and arrived here at UI at 5. we spent these 3 days together at Jakarta and we got home together.. how I wish we could do it anytime we want. those days are sucha bless.

Day 12: How would you define love?

Love is when someone becomes your half :"

Day 13: What do you think is the hardest thing about distance?

when we desperately need each other but we just cant........no other words :')

Day 14: Describe a moment you had with him/her last time you were together. (If you haven’t met, describe how the perfect moment would be)

last time? uh July 7, he picked me at the office, accompanied me picking my bag at SMP 5, ate pisang ijo, coto makassar, sotu sulung (we ate like a pig :| ngg) then we got into my house, ate bu santi's (toldcha) and cuddled :3 doing dhuhur's pray, mmh then he drove me to bus station, and we havent met since I am now at Depok alrd ;)

Day 15: Favorite love (LDR or not) song?




Day 6: What is the most random thing you know abt him/her?

what? hngg :| he hates bugs and durian

Day 7: How do you communicate with each other? 

text. phone call. twitter/fb/ym. anw hon pls use yer skype :p

Day 8: Favorite thing you’ve given him/her?

Idk, you better ask him ehe :B

Day 9: Favorite thing she/he has given you?

Aw thats a secret ahahaha mmh okay, his email? uhuk

Day 10: Favorite thing about him/her?

Actually I love anything about him :$ cheesy flirty but its trueee wek :p but if I have to mention one of my favs... it has to be his hug! I love falling asleep on his hug, esp when I lay my head on his shoulder. He's tall and has a wide upper so I just love it when he hugs me and covers me body with his long and big hug! I wish I could formulate the feeling of being hugged by him so that I could bottled it and I would make it as my aspirine when we are separated. 

I love you xxx▲

second kind of challenges

▼me knows its so cheesy fillin out this blog with these quests and challenges but yeaaah :p
I've got it from my friend's tumblr. it should be 30 quests, but they havent answered the last fifteen quests yet ;)
so this should be a 30 days challenge, but I'll have those fifteen written today all in three posts ;)

Day 1: Your name and his/her name
Medina Rachma Lea. Rizky Hani Febrianto.

Day 2: Your ages
Same age, 19 on 2011. He turned 19 last Feb, and I will turn 19 next month, yeah rite when this challenge is done :p

Day 3: Your locations
We come from Yogyakarta, but he is studying at UNS, Solo, and me at UI, Depok. I know its just a one hour flight but it seems so hard to catch up :"
Day 4: How did you meet?

Twitter, ha. yea feel free to laugh =____= that was our first time indirect conversation. well I remembered one day I opened my FB's account and there's a fr from him, it was my 10 or 11 grade :| and I asked Alifa 'looks like I've known his name, familliar, any idea?' and she answered 'ooh that was my jhs' mate, and also my neighbor, probably you've heard it from Anin' and then I remembered he was my es' friend's lover and Anin talked much abt him wokwok
then it was.. uhm.. nearly fasting month in 2009 I supposed. somewhere between August. we talked much about this but I insist he followed me first then when I checked my followers' list I've seen his name and his tweet about distro's discount and then RT-ed it bcs I also wanted to go thereee! his vers was I was a stranger who RTed his tweet, cih I dont do random tweeting with strangersss wek :p at that time, he used to be my bestfriend's friend's lover whom actually was in the same jhs as me. we had a hard time back then when we were still be friends, some ppl had mistaken abt us, abt what was us. we were friends :) then he went with his world and so am I but I guess we still contacted each other, I mean, yea as a friend :/ honestly I dont really remember when did we start to get closer.. we just did :| no point of asking him, he has a short term mem =_= 
ah! but we had our official meeting when he came to me someday at Subha, sucha creepy coincidence uhuk :p

Day 5 : Since when have you been together? 

11 months for today ;;) look at my blog's footer anw ehe ehe▲