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Sunday, January 31, 2010

Ambitious

ya, saya kalah. kalah telak haha :)
waktu diumumin tu rasanya aneh. ada beban yang hilang, tapi juga ada yang ngremukin perasaan. krues. krues. krues.
disitu aku cuma bisa diem. bener bener diem. sometime, being quiet saves you from everything. there, thyta and efel chilled me out thou I know their heart were breaking, too. and then I stepped back, and stay quiet.
papa terus nepuk kepalaku, bilang kalo aku hebat udah nyampe sejauh ini.

jadi 10 besar nasional itu ngga gampang, na. kamu hebat. anak papa hebat.

Maaf pa, tapi buat apa stuck di 10 besar nasional kalo ada terbaik nasional?

ambisius? yeah I am, for some reasons and conditions. I worked hard for this, and I know I deserve more than this. people in Plaza Semanggi cried after watched my movie, you know. but see?

you know, I can argue about it for zillion times but I could only found one reason for my lost ;

I'm not good enough, YET, but soon I'll be evenmore than this.

aku tau diatas langit masih ada langit. thats why I always wanna get higher and higher. ;)

and for those whove winned, congratulations ;)

yours**

Monday, January 25, 2010

Random ö

now listening : belle of the boulevard - dashboard confessiona

thou I'm not belle of the boulevard, this song chills me out :> its my one of now-favourite songs recent. it just gives me a feeling to keep on struggling.

dont turn away
dry your eyes, dry your eyes
dont be afraid
keep it all inside, all inside
when you fall apart
dry your eyes, dry your eyes
life is always hard
for the belle of the boulevard
:}

these days kill me slowly but sure --'' its getting near to March and April, flash!
I feel so magnificiently random ha-ha I've no longer tweeting, rarely hit my fb and messenger and blog but still it cudnt gives any bigger shot for my study time :O
and now when everybody's getting dizzy after having CESIUM or TORTILLA, me still laying on my bed ha ha ha :P

on the next friday I'll fly to Jakarta for awarding night err all I cud say is just : FINALLY ! :D :D
our flight takes off at o6.1o a.m geez it means that I should arrive at airport around o5.3o in the holey moley morning. cursed me! but its awkay >u<

know what?
I really cant wait for friday <3

yours**

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Straight thru my heart

''inget kata gue yah

jangan pernah ngancurin niat baik orang yang tulus sama kamu cuma karena kamu lagi kebanting-banting sama yang lain karena itu artinya kamu ga lebih baik dari yang ngebanting kamu.''


Dimas F.R.
both, on a midnite call and fb
I love you, brother :''>
take care<33

yours**

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

hujan ; pandora

hujan selalu membawaku melayang kedalam butir butir kenangan yang seharusnya sudah kulupakan.
yang seharusnya sudah kuhilangkan.
yang seharusnya sudah tidak membuatku tercekat, seperti sekarang ini.
ya, hujan kembali menyapa tanahku, kembali meraba wajahku, kembali mengetuk hatiku.
mengapa hujan harus kembali turun? aku benci hujan. aku benci mendengar bunyinya. aku benci menghirup aromanya. aku benci merasakan dinginnya di sekujur tubuhku, dan juga di perasaanku.
karena saat hujan turun, hatiku membeku.
hujan semakin deras, seolah menamparku hanya untuk memalingkan wajahku menghadapi masa lalu yang buruk namun tak pernah sanggup aku lupakan.
hujan telah menyaksikan terlalu banyak.
dan setiap hujan turun, hujan seolah memutar kembali semuanya.
rona merah, senyum terkulum, kerlingan mata, dan cengiran nakal.
hujan, kumohon, pergilah.

yours**

Monday, January 18, 2010

Hello dear, I miss yew

Hello dear, hows life so far?
Its been a long time since we talked
Do you care if I'm saying 'I Miss You'?
Perhaps we're talking, but its different and it feels kinda strange
Can we go back to the day we're close to each other?
When there used to be 'us' not 'me and you'
You cud always made me believe that everythings alright
Now, tell me
Whats alright without you?

yours**

Decisions ; this far

Well, as you know that Imma science student but I wanna get into a social college. Communication, amien. and I really really fall in love with UI<33 but, no offense, I'm not even thinking about UGM. Idk why but it seems UGM is my last choice--''
SIMAK UI will be held at April 11, it means 2 weeks after UAN. I still cud catch my breath then :p but UM UGM will be held in two days after UAN. and I havent got a clue what is the most effective way to be back focus on social's material in just 24hrs after UAN -____- so,.. my plan *for now* is :
1. Get rid of UAN
2. take science's UM UGM
3. re-learn social in two weeks
4. take social's SIMAK UI

wait. I wont let you think that I just prepare myself for social's in just two weeks -- I've been learning it sinces this 3rd year. I took social's SSC :) 3 days of SSC's social class, 3 days of Private's science class. eww -____-
but I do hope it worths a future:)
and now, the question is :

whats science study that I shud choose on UGM?

and I seriously think about

Architecture.

yeah, it sounds so-not-into-me but thats the best option for now. God bless me >u<

yours**

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Kekal

its so dark here
no I cant see a light
take all the fires on me
its all my desires
but you just surrender
take all the pain in your dreams


langkahku terpejam
titik ku berada
perlahan arahku memudar
semua bayangku
cermin tak memudar
kemana arahku berjalan

semua,
tertuju pada bayangku
saat kau renggut nafas jiwaku
semua,
tertuju pada bayangku
biaskan angkuh diriku

Homogenic's

yours**

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I miss my long hair :(

aku udah manjangin rambut dari juni 2009 dan karena aku mau nadzar dan aku bingung mau nadzar apa. yaudah deh. akhirnya nadzar:
kalau film saya masuk 10 besar nasional di Think Act Change National Documentary Film Festival dan diputar di Blitz Megaplex, saya akan potong pendek se-Chibi Maruko Chan

anda tahu rambut saya sudah seberapa?



yeah segitu. dan anda tahu chibi maruko chan itu rambutnya seberapa?



waktu aku potong aku udah bilang sama mbak-nya
potong kayak maruko ya mbak. straight cut gituuu.
tau mbaknya ngomong apa?
takpotong trap aja ya mabk. aku ngga tega motongnya. aduh pipinya....

well, what a great great motivator eh? jewfgwdjfhoghjhbvdfosighakjwhigfrjvncosl;ktoihjdfawobgoir -________________-

and now. rambutku segini nih



ayo buruan panjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaangggg -0-

yours**

tiba tiba goyah

ada suatu masa dimana kamu ragu sama keputusan yang udah kamu ambil, and now thats exactly where I'm standing. wish I'd never knew that bloody fact -.+
see? you're not that bad. I could understand whatca been up to now unless one thing.
'kalo kita emang temen, kenapa harus ada jauh-jauhan gini sih?'
bayangin deh kamu punya temen deket dan intens dan asik tapi tiba-tiba POP! ilang gitu aja. kehilangan best mate lyk that itu ga enak banget --

wow I'm putting my concern to that word ; friend :>

Friday, January 8, 2010

Senin yeah-hoo!

pertama, aku bakal nulis postingan ini pake bahasa Indonesia (y)
ada apa dengan hari senin?
hari senin sucks, I know. especially for next week. yeah that monday, 11o11o (crap! did I just used english? holey-moley! maaf maaf --)
kenapa? oke karena hari senin besok adalah hari pertama masuk sekolah setelah libur semester. biasanya aku ngga se-benci ini sama hari senin awal masuk tapi ini beda. dengan datangnya hari senin besok itu berarti

jengjengjeng

SEMESTER TERAKHIR DI SMA DIMULAI

banci emang kalender. kenapa cepet banget sih? aaah frustasi rasanya. itu berarti tinggal empat bulan lagi menuju hari kiamat kecil : UN. Ujian Nasional. (oke biasanya aku pake 'bloody final exam' ato f-ucking-inal exam' tapi cussing in Indonesia? what cud I say? 'Ujian Nasional Berdarah'? emangnya mens? stupid -.+)
...well I used english again. dummmmmmy me -3-

dan, apa persiapan kamu buat UN nar?
jawab : err................oke aku gatau -o- konsenku kebelah di semester pertama antara ips, tonti, film, baru ipa ha ha ha jenius kan? tapi rata-rata rapotku tetep 80 looooh *bangga*
tapi aku udah membuat keputusan. mulai hari senin aku bakal....apa exchange di bahasa Indonesia? tukeran? ga cocok. ya intinya aku mau minta orang buat nuker password twitter sama fb sama formspring-ku biar aku gabisa ol :D :D tentuu dia adalah orang yang aku percaya, dan juga galak. tau kan aku biasanya punya 1001 alasan buat ngerusak aturan? :p siapa ya kira-kira? hmmm :]
trus aku juga mau menerapkan jam efektif. kalo aku ada privat malemnya, ya aku pulang. kalo aku ada ssc, ya aku ssc. sisanya? nglanjutin ngrangkum. Insya Allah deh bisa kelaksana. doain aja ya x)

p.s : kok bahasa Indonesiaku jadi mawud gini? shit +.0
p.s.s : postingan2 dibawahku kok ndangdut semua e? mellow menjijikkan yak x.x
p.s.s.s : AAAA I TURNED EMO THESE RECENTLY POSTS ! MOTHAFUCKAZ >3<

yours**

Thursday, January 7, 2010

rain + music + lonesome : emo

''dont be so sentimental, no. this love is accidental, so, give it up, this would never meant to be more than a memory for you.''

"mungkin semuanya tak seperti dulu saat kita bisa berbagi bersama"

"aku sendiri dan aku berdiri"

"cuz we lost it all, nothing lasts forever, sorry I cant be perfect"

"so bottle up old love, throw it out to sea"

"someday you'll gonna realize. one day you'll see this thru my eyes. but there, I wont even be there, I'll be happy somewhere, even if I cant"

"I know, you dont really see my worth"

"I know I'm not that strong, but it wont take long"

"someday someone's gonna love me the way I wanted you to need me."

"someday someone's gonna take your place"

"someday I'll forget about you. you'll see I wont even miss you. someday, someday."

"I wanna live a life from a new perspective"

"last night I fell in love without you. I waved goodbye to the heart of mine."

"every aching wound would cauterize and bruise in memory of what we used to call in love
only time will tell if violin will swell in memory of what we used to call in love"

"when you lost something you cant replace"

"when you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse?"

"only love can break your heart"

"how did it feels to be alone?"

"eventhough this might bruise you, let it burn"

"but you hate the thought of him being with someone else but you know that its over, you know it was thru"

"I'm twisted cuz one side of me is telling me that I need to move on. On the other side, I wanna break down and cry."

"all the pain, the tears i cried. still you never said goodbye. and now i know, how far you'd go."

"but I do do feel that I do do will miss you much miss you much"

"why did it have to happen. why did it all have to end."

"and all the things you put me through, I'm holding on by letting go of you."

"I still need you. I still care about you. Thou everythings may said and done."

"I still feel you like i'm right beside you. But still no words from you."

"it hurts want everything and nothing at the same time."

"when sooner or later its over, i just dont wanna miss you tonight"

"what we had has come and gone, you're better off wif someone else"

"tell me why you're so hard to forget"

"let the rain washed you out of my head and out of my mind"

"we were always meant to say goodbye"

"I love you enough to let you go."

"if i could ask God just one question. why arent you here with me?"

yours**

first step to get it outta my life ö

Ive deleted some of my songs that remind me of everything we used to had that already gone.
lovefool by the cardigans
two is better than one by boys like girls
luluh by maliq n d' essential
adore by paramore
I dont know why, it hurts for just listen......
but I'm not ready yet to delete that folder. yeah, there, at messaging menu. just, seems like I'll completely lost you if I do that. just give me time, okay? I'm quite sure that I'll do it this month
just give me time :)

yours **

after typed this, I slept well :)

okay now Ive got my reason to leave you. you're in love right? thats clear enough for me to go, because I'm hurted enough to open my eyes and move on. :)
I really could not describe what I feel right now. you know what? I had wished for this. I had wished that you're gonna hurt me so much that finally I could hate you and then leave you. yeaaa sure you did it, simply did it. :)
guess what? I dont hate you at all, because I'm sure that, somehow, you didnt meant to hurt me. you wont hurt me, right? I trusted that yesterday, I trust that now, I'll trust that tomorrow. hey, I'm still in love with those times we had, I'm always gonna be, but I'm not sure that I'm still dream about you tomorrow. I'd never forget you, mark that. but I'll find someone new that cud drives me mad just like what you have did to me. :)
funny how days go by without missing you ruined by only looking on your name. yeah, when you're not around, I already could handle myself and forget about you. but when you're around, I hardly control myself not to talk to you, not to glance at you, not to stare at you.
see? I cant move on if you're around. I cant no longer act like I'm cool in front of you, you're too attractive for being ignored. so if I wanna get over you, I should leave you. it means avoiding the spot where we have to speak. what else could it be? :')
thanks, dude. thanks for everything we had. thanks for those strengths you gave, thanks for those chats, thanks for coming, thanks for every standing by my side, thanks for everything :)

yours*

Friday, January 1, 2010

Main resolution for 2o1o.

1. Next succeed step(s)
First of all, and I'm quite sure every 2010 wud say the same thing, I want to graduate from my senior high school with good marks and I wanna get myself into a superb college :} yeah you know what? I fall in love with UI. Universitas Indonesia. its my biggest dream until now ;) just wondering seeing myself wearing that yellow-wellow suits makes me feel like there's where I'm belong. just pray for me, its only about 80days before the judgement day(s) hwiiiw -___-
2. Breathtaking-event ;p
I want another award(s) from another film competition(s) :} I'd never get enough of this thing. there's always something more from making a film which addictive. I kinda like it ahak ahak ;B Eagle award? Internasional? who knows? :)
3. Balance --
I have to get active back on physical activites. I mean, lyk being a hikers club or less lyk joining wushu or else. I'm just bragging my tonti for this senior high period. It tans me a lot, btw -__-
4. Stick together with my friends when things make us get a lot of new comer
yeaaaah I love my friends goddamned much. I'm holding onto them, geez. theyre a part of me I cant let go ;,,) from my elementary skewl until my senior hi skewl's best friends, I'm still with them until now. hope it wud and cud lasts, this togetherness I mean. all I want is thou we get into separate colleges in separate cities, we'll hold on to each other ;)
5. Brand new me, better me. ;p
I just hope that I'd be better in this year. Physically, spiritually, emotionally, anything. somehow I remembered the things that happened and I could only regretted what I have done. oh I shudnt do this and I shud do that, if only I cud turn back time. blah~ lets hope I'm not being lyk that on my 2o11's NYE so lets make the best for and of 2o1o ;p

yours :)

terima kasih :)

terima kasih untuk segala masalah yang membuat saya lebih dewasa
terima kasih untuk segala kegagalan yang membuat saya menjadi lebih baik
terima kasih untuk segala keberhasilan yang membuat saya tetap mantap berdiri
terima kasih untuk segala kesempatan yang membuat saya terus berkembang

terima kasih atas segala kedatangan yang membuat saya merasa ramai
terima kasih atas segala kepergian yang membuat saya mengerti arti perjumpaan
terima kasih atas segala ketetapan untuk berdiri disamping saya, menemani saya, menjaga saya, menyayangi saya, ada untuk saya
terima kasih atas semua cerita yang membuat saya menjadi seperti ini

terima kasih untuk setiap air mata yang terjatuh
terima kasih untuk setiap derai tawa yang menggema
terima kasih untuk setiap peluh yang menetes
terima kasih untuk setiap senyum yang terukir

kepada semua yang menjadi bagian tahun 2oo9 saya,
terima kasih untuk semuanya :)

yours :)